Charlotte and me: 2012

Thursday, 1 November 2012

Procrastinating again.

I know i was supposed to have done the part 2 of my previous post but i have been dealing with quite a lot lately. Adam decided its not working AGAIN and has left. I know what the reason is but he wont admit it, he cant get over his psycho of an ex. Knowing this has made all feeling for him disappear. What annoys me most is when we broke up the last time his ex had just split from her bloke and he was going there because she couldn't cope with the kids and a few weeks before Adam left she split with her bloke again and i told him i was worried this would happen and he said no I'm here forever or until you want to leave and just days before he left he was saying about us getting a house and i got the forms to apply for a council house so i have a feeling something happened in those few days that made him change his mind and it all points to her. Now all i feel is he is welcome to her because he will be the one that ends up with nothing like every time he has gone back to her. I offered him all the access he wanted so he can bond with Charlotte and for him to make me feel better about the time when I'm going to have to let her go on her own and he chose 2 hours after work on a Wednesday and 2 hours on a Friday and a few hours every other Saturday. I don't see how he can bond with her like this because he comes at 7 and leaves at 9 what about when she starts going to bed earlier. Well Saturday i had already made plans so that only left him with an hour and e decided that his other kid was more important, he picked them up and on had a bad cold and he knows Charlotte is still trying to get over her last cold and i don't want her around it so he didn't go and pick them up an hour later so he could have the hour with her no they are more important than his 4 month old obviously. Then the best came yesterday when he came and said he knows I'm never going to let him have her on his own and i know it, i said if he isn't going to make the effort then i might not get to the point where I'm ready to let her go, his daughter is nasty and had been mean to me and hit me before and he has caught her do it so i don't trust her around my baby who cant tell anyone if something has happened and he didn't like it so he said when he has paid of his credit cards (which were maxed out because of fighting to see his other kids) he will take me to court and he will get his own way. All i need to show them is the part where he chose just a few hours to see her, and he chose to have his other kids every week but only wants to see her every other week. I told him if he is going to threaten to take me to court and keep rubbing it in my face i will take her away and he said then you will have to explain to her why she doesn't see her dad. I said all i would have to say is i offered for him to see her when ever he wanted and he would rather see his other kids more. Then i thought about if he did have her, She will be left on the outside because his kids are brother and sister and would gang up on her, his daughter is already nasty because of the influence of her mother so his son will do too. Then he was saying the kids will be treated different because of how they are raised at home, so his kids can not finish their dinner but still have dessert but he wont change that because i wont let Charlotte have dessert if she hasn't eaten her dinner. His daughter knows she can get away with it because she will say she is full of one thing when someone else has something different but she isn't too full for what they have. I told him when he left that he can come and see her here only if he doesn't cause arguments and it has barely been a week and he has done it already so i told him before he left last night that if he wants to see her he will have to make arrangements for where he is going to see her because i already had to convince my parents to let him in to See her and now after he has been shouting at me twice in the space of a week my dad isn't too pleased. Now he has attitude because he cant get his own way.

On Saturday he knew i was going out with his friend Charlotte but what he doesn't know is i have met a guy and i know we have only been split a week we are getting to know each other and there is the possibility that something may happen between us. When he left the last time he saw me waiting for a bus and had a feeling i was going to meet someone else and didn't want to lose me, i wonder how long it is before he realises I'm not going to go running back this time when he realises his ex is still a psycho but its not going to happen, i have everything i want now and have no need to go back to him. He will either say he made a mistake or try to say that I'm just looking for a rebound or that I'm desperate for a man but the thing is, i can cope without a man because since Charlotte has been born i have don't almost everything myself anyway so it was like i was single.

The biggest thing that will go against him is how he hasn't been there for us. His kids had worms and so i told him we had to go to the walk in centre to be treated as he was showing symptoms, we got there and he had arranged to pick up the kids at 1 even though the court say 4 so its not like she can make him pick them up early, but he left us at the centre so i had to get someone else to pic us up and so he couldn't be trusted because he wasn't there. Then there was the part when i had Charlotte, i had her at 9:10 on Friday, after having the section i had to be helped out of bed and couldn't reach her cot to change her nappy but he left us there so he could go and see his kids and when i said this to him he said well its not like there wasn't a nurse there to help. That was out of order she wasn't even 24 hours old and he left us, it wasn't the nurses job to play parent because he couldn't be bothered., i had to ask for help from the nurse and then my mom when it was visiting time. I felt like it was me that was his ex and he was only seeing her then had to go back to his other family, he kept saying about the courts but I'm sure if she tried to take him to court because he didn't pick up his kids because i had just had a baby they would tell her to stop being stupid. I have dealt with so much and he always go his own way and now he thinks i am going to work around him again. The legal papers say he is supposed to have his kids over night every 4 weeks due to work but apart from when they don't want to stop since Christmas they have stopped every weekend so when i had Charlotte every Saturday i had to go home then he moaned that i wasn't stopping there. So there would be 2 adults and 3 kids in a one bed flat that is covered in his kids toys and so Charlotte couldn't get down on the floor on her play mat because of their crap and we would have to sleep on the sofa bed with the travel cot int he kitchen because there is not room.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

Things i didnt know.......part 1

I was just thinking about a great post that i could do but then decided i would have to split it in to 2 posts.

I was folding the washing and it got me thinking, there is so may things i didn't know until i moved out (i have now moved back in but i still know them lol). The next was the things i didn't know until i had a baby.

My First post will be on the things i didn't know until i moved out. So here goes.

The things i didn't know until i moved out:

How to fold a fitted sheet. That's right i had no idea, my mom always did all the washing and putting away so i had no idea how to fold them, I don't think Adam knows and hes lived on his own for year lol. I'm sure i will teach him one day. If you don't know how to do it here is my way of doing it.

First take a fitted sheet (i don't iron them as they get stretched across the bed anyway)

Fold it in half and put the 2 corners inside each other.

Fold again so all 4 corners are inside each other.

Now you have a rectangle. just fold as you would with a flat sheet.

And there you go a nice neat folded fitted sheet.

The price of food!! I understand that when my mom went shopping it would cost a fair bit but she was buying for 4 adults, i thought buying for 2 would be half the price....think again. I had to resist piling my trolley full of cakes and nice things and remember the important things like loo roll and cleaner. it was hard but i managed.
The cost of electricity. So i was always leaving lights on and that sort of thing at home not realising that they cost so much, once i was in charge of paying for it i was damn sure i wasn't leaving anything on when i left the house. we had a boiler that had to be turned on for an hour before using the hot water and my dad said why didn't i just leave it on then it would only have to keep the water hot and not heat the whole thing, thinking well my dad should know i did it, IT DOUBLED MY ELECTRIC BILL IN A MONTH!!!!! I knew i wouldn't be doing that again.
Timing is everything. Whether it is the timing you put the washer on for or the timing of making sure all the parts of the Sunday dinner were done at the same time, or making sure i left the house on time to get the bus to my moms ready to go to work, it was hard but i survived, just about lol.
How dirty a bathroom can really get. I never realised that by brushing my hair over the sink and brushing my teeth that the sink is a mess, then there is the toilet. Fair enough i must give it to him Adam does put the lid down but i caught him on numerous occasions pour the toilet cleaner into the toilet and not wait but flush the toilet, bit pointless really it wouldn't have time to clean anything.
How hard it really is to keep on top of the washing when you don't have a tumble dryer. When it came to changing the bed clothes we would have a sheet over the airier then the duvet cover over one door a top sheet over another then pillow cases over the shower screen, I have always lived with a tumble dryer at home so this was a wake up call for me, Then when it was just a normal load of washing it takes ages to dry, normally i would stick it in the dryer for about 30 minutes and then its all done but no it could take over a day to dry indoors its crazy.
I really didn't know just how much i can squeeze into a freezer. Every time i went shopping i would go with my mom then store it all in her freezer until Adam picked me up after work, he would stare at the bags and look at me as if to say i would love to see where you are going to put it all but every time i managed to fit it all in. He now wonders how much stuff i really do carry in my handbag (well nappy bag now but you get what i mean).

Come back to see my 'Things i didn't know until i had a baby' post.

Monday, 8 October 2012

Little worrier i am.

Well, since Charlotte was born i have noticed a tiny spot on her bottom, i thought it was just a spot, babies get them all the time so i ignored it. at 2 weeks old i took her to get it checked out at the doctors as i had found another one on her ear and 2 small spots on her back, the one on her bum was getting bigger. The doc told me they were hemangiomas which are a type of birthmark. he told me there was no problem with them and if i was worried then to take pictures to see how they change and to go back. this was her bottom at 4 weeks old.

This looks bad enough but this is what it looked like in the last picture i took at 12 weeks.

That's just over 2cm now and is bulging too. The doc said there is nothing we can do as she is still small and they are not causing her problems. here are the pictures of her ear and her back at 12 weeks.

You can see that the 2 small spots on her back have now joined and are now a line and is raised and the one on her ear bulges just above where you would have earrings not too clear on the picture.
I started to notice a mark next to Charlotte's eye at the top of her nose and thought she had knocked herself so i decided to keep an eye on it. This first picture is taken at 12 weeks when i realised the lump wasn't a bump and was getting bigger but she wasn't bothered by it so i took her back to the docs and he told me to go back in 2 weeks to see how it had changed.

Now this is what it was like the night before i took her back to the doctors so 2 weeks difference.

Since then it has only been a few days but it is looking more bruised. The doctor only took one look at it and signed a referral form, he wants her to see a pediatricians then possibly have a scan to see what it is, he thinks it may be another type of hemangioma under the skin but not certain.

I know this sounds a little bit vain but i did want some pictures done of us 3 but wondered if we should have them done with a lump on her face, not so much a problem for me but when she is older she may not be too happy that we had pictures taken of her looking like that but now I'm thinking am i going to regret not having the pictures done, i don't know what to do.

Anyway don't want to make this such a depressing post so here are a few pictures that i am loving right now.

14 weeks old and still looking so tiny in her 0-3 month pjs

Charlotte's new bear snowsuit which we are calling charly-bear and her new dolly, i think it is the bright colours that she loves.

The infamous jumperoo that should cost around £100 but i won it on eBay for £36 but the guy sold it us for just £20 because it was dirty and needed a new spring in the battery pack, this is why one section behind her is missing because daddy is fixing it for her. One of the best buys.

Me and Charlotte reading 'One mole digging a hole'

Me Charlotte and Mimi were having a PJ and movie night while my mom and dad were at the movies

Vogue colour pack keep reading for explanation.

I ordered Charlotte's pram earlier this year while i was still pregnant and as i didn't know she was a she i had to pick a colour that could be used for both a boy and a girl so i picked claret. I got the colour pack and i also ordered the apron too ready for the cold weather. Well I had to get my mom to go and see if the pram had arrived while i was in hospital. She picked up the pram on the Friday that i had Charlotte and the apron wasn't n the shop they were waiting for it to be delivered, well i wasn't too bothered as i had the carry cot but 3 months on and i still don't have the apron, Josie in the shop keeps ringing and it hasn't been sent. Last week i popped in to see if it was in, Josie had rang while i was out and left a message saying it wasn't in yet but they had the new vogue pack in if i wanted to see it. There are 4 new packs in the vogue collection, they are all black and white (i say white but it is more of a creamy white so not so bright which is good. There is a stripy one, a spotty one an Aztec one and a rose one, and i fell in love with the rose one, Josie got this one in for me to look at, i think she knew i was going to get it if i saw it. I did of course and the picture above just shows how awesome it looks.

One last point i have to write about because i just have to. It is 2 and half months till Christmas and i have already got most of Charlotte's gifts and most of them are leapfrog. I didn't want too many toys that didn't teach her anything so leapfrog as a must for me. Next time i will share the pictures but i just haven't taken them yet.

Friday, 28 September 2012

3 months where has the time gone.

So, 13 weeks ago i was lay in recovery after the most scary but exciting drama of my life. strange part is 14 weeks ago yesterday i was just 10 minutes from the end of my final shift at work before leaving. I really don't know where the time has gone. Some times i see pictures of babies born around the same time as Charlotte and they all still look like newborns, not just the size but the fact that they are wrapped up in blankets and not really doing anything but, today i found out the door bouncer and decided to try Charlotte in it and i have never seen her so happy and content for so long. she was in there for about half an hour and she thought it was amazing. Here she is, when i could finally get her to sit still to get the picture.

When Charlotte was born i got some canvases to paint her name on and put on the wall, well this week i finally got around to putting them up along with some photos.

I really do have a problem. I am obsessed with owls. I dressed Charlotte to go shopping the other day and she was wearing her dress which has owls on it, the matching tights which have owls on them, a cardigan that was just plain, then a hat, gloves and scarf set that had an owl on it and then she had her blanket that also has an owl on it. i don't know what it is about owls but they look so cool. Here are some of her owl things, she also has more clothes with owls on but she doesn't quite fit in them yet.

She looks like she is ready for the snow.

I wanted to get a tattoo to symbolise Charlotte but didn't want her name or DOB so i thought why not get an owl. Not sure where i will get it but i am sold on that idea now.

I got trigger happy again with my phone taking loads of pictures so here you go.

My little fairy

My mom said she looks like normal wisdom lol

This outfit must have been so comfortable she decided to do an explosive poop. lol

This was when we went out for pizza for my birthday, all got a bit much for her.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Picture over load but start with a little rant.

OK so my rant(s).

First, i decided i was going to switch Charlotte's milk to Hipp organic thinking it would be better for her, how wrong could i be, she has been on it now for about 2 weeks and she is getting worse, she does about 3-4 poops a day but they are so small and solid she is turning purple trying to squeeze them out and gets very upset, i thought it was just because she was changing and when she settled down it would get better but its not so im going back to Aptamil hungry baby and hope she gets better.

Second, My brother is an ass, he has always been an attention seeker but now its taking the piss. Since Charlotte was born over 9 weeks ago he has made no attempt to bond with her at all, never made an effort, never talked to her or asked about her when she had lost all that weight in the first few days. It would be bad enough if he was a kid but he is 23 years old. He keeps moaning to my mom saying that im not making an effort with his girlfriend, he has been saying this for a while now and in that time i have had loads to deal with like being pregnant and working then being in hospital and having a baby and now looking after her its not as easy as just put her down to talk to his girlfriend who hasn't made an effort to talk to me either. Most of this started when i moved back home, i asked my mom if it was ok if i came back which she said yes because i was expecting and cant see us out on the streets or in somewhere that could be dangerous. When i moved out my brother had my old room which was bigger and then my mom said he would have to go back into the small room due to not fitting me and a baby and all out things into the small room and he had a hissy fit because he wouldn't fit in his tv and surround sound and him and his girlfriend wouldn't be comfortable, his girlfriend doesn't live here and doesn't pay rent so she has no say at all. So now we have the bigger room he hates it.

Third. I think the MIL has a problem with me, i don't feel comfortable going to her house because she has just put pictures up on the wall of her wedding which is fair enough but she has put up the one with Adams ex in it and im sick of having her face staring at me the while time im there. Then there is the fact that if yu look on facebook she has loads of pictures of johns kids kids and mat and sarahs fat ugly kid but none of Charlotte, when we go down here she says things like she only sees her when she is asleep, im thinking she is a fucking baby that's all she does, eats, sleeps, poops then cries and goes back to sleep. Its not like she makes an effort to come and see us either. We have to load all 3 kids into the car and all the stuff needed and the stuff Adams kids have to take home with them so that we can go to her house every other sunday and listen to her moan that they have no money because johns lost his job because of his eyesight and he wont take a factory job!!! Im sorry does he think he is too good for factory work???? I work in a factory doest this mean im not good enough?? Then when i have fed Charlotte sometimes she has a little cry because of trapped wind and her problem with her poop and MIL automatically sees her crying as a sign she is hungry, im thinking she is 9 weeks old she is drinking 6oz that is plenty im not going to over feed her to shut her up when i have to deal with her being sick later on and her ending up fat like sarahs kid who was eating white bread cheese sandwiches at 6 months old.

I have to try and put on a front so many times just so i don't upset someone but i am sick of it, i cant tell my brother to piss off because he is a spoiled brat and he will just go and moan to my other brother and sisters and turn them against me again. I am doing all i can to make Charlotte comfortable by changing her milk back and i must admit shes not a miserable child which means when she has the odd day where she is off and crying lots i don't really mind but Adam is dealing with loads of crap with his car right now so needs to take his mind off it all so i cant turn to hima and moan that his mom is pissing me off and i don't like the fact that she has the picture of his ex on her wall and on her facebook so i deleted her from facebook. I don't see the point in having her on there when all she does is post about copying and pasting posts about people in the army and send game requests and doesn't give a shit about Charlotte like she odes the other kids as there is a load of pictures of every other grand kid on there other than my child do yes i feel like shit.

Sorry for that so here is my photo over load hope you enjoy. (note these are not in order due to the amount i have up loaded it would take me way to long and i woul dget frustrated but you will get the gyst of it all)

scan at 10 weeks

mommys first out of bed cuddles

3 days old and first outing in her pram all snug

when she lost too much weight and looked really poorly

my hint of a bump when i thought i was nearly 13 weeks but it turns out i was only 10 weeks so it was just a lot of bloating but looks pretty cute

my bump at 12 weeks

scan at almost 14 weeks

at my nieces 13th birthday party, you can see me in the red and my sister is sat 3 away with logan who is 2 days younger but a lot bigger

my niece Chloe

my bump at 19 weeks

20 weeks scan

first pic of charlotte and daddy where she has more hair than he does lol

me and my mom think she looks like a reborn doll in this picture

going home outfit

the car ride home

i think she looks like the little old lady from neverending story

after her first bath

first day as a baby wearer and she gets so comfey

at the zoo

the top outfit was her tiny baby one from Amy which was too big when she was born the bottom one is what she is fitting in now at almost 10 weeks old

charlottes disney animator doll from the disney store, these is 10 in the collection and one from the movie brave, she now has the one from brave, belle and cinderella only 8 more to go