Procrastinating again.

I know i was supposed to have done the part 2 of my previous post but i have been dealing with quite a lot lately. Adam decided its not working AGAIN and has left. I know what the reason is but he wont admit it, he cant get over his psycho of an ex. Knowing this has made all feeling for him disappear. What annoys me most is when we broke up the last time his ex had just split from her bloke and he was going there because she couldn't cope with the kids and a few weeks before Adam left she split with her bloke again and i told him i was worried this would happen and he said no I'm here forever or until you want to leave and just days before he left he was saying about us getting a house and i got the forms to apply for a council house so i have a feeling something happened in those few days that made him change his mind and it all points to her. Now all i feel is he is welcome to her because he will be the one that ends up with nothing like every time he has gone back to her. I offered him all the access he wanted so he can bond with Charlotte and for him to make me feel better about the time when I'm going to have to let her go on her own and he chose 2 hours after work on a Wednesday and 2 hours on a Friday and a few hours every other Saturday. I don't see how he can bond with her like this because he comes at 7 and leaves at 9 what about when she starts going to bed earlier. Well Saturday i had already made plans so that only left him with an hour and e decided that his other kid was more important, he picked them up and on had a bad cold and he knows Charlotte is still trying to get over her last cold and i don't want her around it so he didn't go and pick them up an hour later so he could have the hour with her no they are more important than his 4 month old obviously. Then the best came yesterday when he came and said he knows I'm never going to let him have her on his own and i know it, i said if he isn't going to make the effort then i might not get to the point where I'm ready to let her go, his daughter is nasty and had been mean to me and hit me before and he has caught her do it so i don't trust her around my baby who cant tell anyone if something has happened and he didn't like it so he said when he has paid of his credit cards (which were maxed out because of fighting to see his other kids) he will take me to court and he will get his own way. All i need to show them is the part where he chose just a few hours to see her, and he chose to have his other kids every week but only wants to see her every other week. I told him if he is going to threaten to take me to court and keep rubbing it in my face i will take her away and he said then you will have to explain to her why she doesn't see her dad. I said all i would have to say is i offered for him to see her when ever he wanted and he would rather see his other kids more. Then i thought about if he did have her, She will be left on the outside because his kids are brother and sister and would gang up on her, his daughter is already nasty because of the influence of her mother so his son will do too. Then he was saying the kids will be treated different because of how they are raised at home, so his kids can not finish their dinner but still have dessert but he wont change that because i wont let Charlotte have dessert if she hasn't eaten her dinner. His daughter knows she can get away with it because she will say she is full of one thing when someone else has something different but she isn't too full for what they have. I told him when he left that he can come and see her here only if he doesn't cause arguments and it has barely been a week and he has done it already so i told him before he left last night that if he wants to see her he will have to make arrangements for where he is going to see her because i already had to convince my parents to let him in to See her and now after he has been shouting at me twice in the space of a week my dad isn't too pleased. Now he has attitude because he cant get his own way.

On Saturday he knew i was going out with his friend Charlotte but what he doesn't know is i have met a guy and i know we have only been split a week we are getting to know each other and there is the possibility that  something may happen between us. When he left the last time he saw me waiting for a bus and had a feeling i was going to meet someone else and didn't want to lose me, i wonder how long it is before he realises I'm not going to go running back this time when he realises his ex is still a psycho but its not going to happen, i have everything i want now and have no need to go back to him. He will either say he made a mistake or try to say that I'm just looking for a rebound or that I'm desperate for a man but the thing is, i can cope without a man because since Charlotte has been born i have don't almost everything myself anyway so it was like i was single.

The biggest thing that will go against him is how he hasn't been there for us. His kids had worms and so i told him we had to go to the walk in centre to be treated as he was showing symptoms, we got there and he had arranged to pick up the kids at 1 even though the court say 4 so its not like she can make him pick them up early, but he left us at the centre so i had to get someone else to pic us up and so he couldn't be trusted because he wasn't there. Then there was the part when i had Charlotte, i had her at 9:10 on Friday, after having the section i had to be helped out of bed and couldn't reach her cot to change her nappy but he left us there so he could go and see his kids and when i said this to him he said well its not like there wasn't a nurse there to help. That was out of order she wasn't even 24 hours old and he left us, it wasn't the nurses job to play parent because he couldn't be bothered., i had to ask for help from the nurse and then my mom when it was visiting time. I felt like it was me that was his ex and he was only seeing her then had to go back to his other family, he kept saying about the courts but I'm sure if she tried to take him to court because he didn't pick up his kids because i had just had a baby they would tell her to stop being stupid. I have dealt with so much and he always go his own way and now he thinks i am going to work around him again. The legal papers say he is supposed to have his kids over night every 4 weeks due to work but apart from when they don't want to stop since Christmas they have stopped every weekend so when i had Charlotte every Saturday i had to go home then he moaned that i wasn't stopping there. So there would be 2 adults and 3 kids in a one bed flat that is covered in his kids toys and so Charlotte couldn't get down on the floor on her play mat because of their crap and we would have to sleep on the sofa bed with the travel cot int he kitchen because there is not room.