I have found thats i have done lent wrong every year. It was only when i was doing day 39 that i thought easter is a week late. Turns out i was wrong and lent doesn't include sundays so my lent blogging was wrong. It has been fun even if i didn't get it all done at the right time. I will continue to blog, maybe not every day but at least every couple of days. I do want to write more but i have Charlotte asleep on me and a dead arm, not a great mix.
Formerly named Journey to Baby-land, Destination reached : baby-land, Life in the lone lane.
Tuesday, 31 March 2015
Saturday, 28 March 2015
Day 39: something that never fails to make my day
The one thing that never fails to make my day is pretty obvious. Its knowing i get to see Charlotte every day. Yes she drives me crazy sometimes with her threenage attitude but i know where she is, what she is doing and that she is loved unconditionally.
Part of this comes from the fact that i had a lovely (please read completely inappropriate and time wasting) letter from her donor this week. It states in a very pathetic attempt at intelligent language to say that he has tried to be in Charlottes life continuously and that was stopped all because i blocked him on Facebook and that was his only way to contact me. He managed to write me this letter and sent previous letters about how much he is in love with me as well as a valentines card so he does have a way of contacting me plus he also has my email address.
This letter was saying how i have until the 20th of april (i think) to get in contact with him otherwise it leaves him no option but to contact family services. He can take it all the way to court fo all i care. I have always given in but i wont any more. I have been through hell to give him a chance of being in that amazing little girls life and i will not let him screw her up. She has an amazing life and has everyone she needs in it but i am made to look like some wicked witch because i am trying to protect her.
I got a message this morning from his ex with just a picture which said something along the lines of, 'stopping a child from seeing a parent just because you are not together is child abuse.' so to me that says i am being accused of child abuse for protecting my childs heart and well being.
Through the last 11 weeks of CBT i have learnt to be strong, and that i am able to stand up for myself and more importantly to stand up for my daughter. She is the most important thing in my life and i would fight through anything to protect her. I have the support of her aunty, uncle and cousins which i am truly thankful for. I am thankful for all the support i get from everyone even people who hardly know me or my situation.
Friday, 27 March 2015
Days 31-38. i know i know.
I know I know I have been slacking off on the blogging but I have been doing my college work and CBT so hope you forgive me.
OK so I have 8 posts to do now so I will try and do them in as much detail as I can.
Day 31: A picture of your family.
I don't have a picture of my whole family as we are never all in one place and never have a whole picture together so I have a couple of pictures of me with the 2 main people in my life, my mom and Charlotte. The first picture is from when Charlotte was about 7 weeks old at her cousins birthday party and the second picture is at Charlottes 2nd birthday party with the cake that me and my mom made.
Thinking about it I think I might do a post on parties.
Day 32: If you were to write a book, what genre would it be and what would it be about.
I have always wanted to write a book but I am torn as to what it would be about. I would love to write a children's book. I don't know what it would be about exactly but probably some kind of baby explorer or something like that. I would also love to write a contemporary romance book, not any of this soppy love stories or 50 shades style but something realistic and silly because love isn't perfect. Finally I would love to write a story based on my life.
Day 33: One piece of advice you would pass on to your child/children.
The biggest piece of advice would be that you don't have to follow the crowds, it is ok to deviate from what is expected of you if it is legal, doesn't cause you or anyone else harm and makes you happy then do it.
Day 34: How has your life changed in the last 5 years?
Its quite funny that this has come up because I was looking through my old facebook page a few days ago and realised just how much has changed in the last 5 years. this time 5 years ago I was booking the church and hotel for my wedding. since then I have cancelled the wedding, split up with him, met someone new,moved out, got pregnant, ended up pregnant and alone, moved back into my parents house got back together with Charlottes dad, gave birth, broke back up with him, went back to work after maternity leave, lost my job, started college and now I am a few months away from finishing college and charlotte turning 3. so lets just say I have a very busy 5 years.
Day 35:What class do you wish you had taken in school?
I don't think I would have changed what subjects I took in school I just wish I had kept my head down and got the grades I should have got and not took so long off and ruined my grades. I do wish I had decided to become a nurse at the time so I would have been well on my way by now.
Day 36: Share a recipe.
I will share my amazing and simple lasagne, not the one with the white sauce from scratch but the one where I cheat and it still tastes amazing. 750g minced beef 1 sachet of spaghetti Bolognese mix 1 jar of cheesy white sauce lasagne sheets cheese Cook the minced beef and sprinkle in the Bolognese mix, add a layer of the meat then some of the white sauce and a layer or lasagne sheets the repeat until all the meat has been used top off the meat with white sauce and top with cheese, bake in the oven for 50 minutes covered in foil then remove the foil for 10 minutes to brown the cheese. The easiest lasagne ever and so tasty.
Day 37: Do you hide something that would shock people?
I hide the severity of my mental problems from people. A lot of people know that I suffer from depression and anxiety but not to what extent. I have suffered for so long that I have been able to hide it very well. The best way to avoid the conversation is to fake it, a lot of my life I have faked, I have put on a smile and laughed on cue while inside I am screaming for people to leave me alone and for me to be able to shut myself away. Being a parent means I have to fake it so much more. when I was pregnant and he left me I found it hard to fake it and let my guard drop. It dropped when I was seeing my midwife and had a breakdown. She said because I was in such a state she would have to fill in I form for the social services to keep an eye on us when I gave birth, I had screwed up and I thought my baby was going to be taken away. I also made the bad decision of telling her dad hat had happened then he went and told his ex who rubbed it in my face that I hadn't even given birth yet and had social services involved. He claimed he told her because he didn't know how to deal with it. so I was sent for an evaluation with a GP and for it to be sent to the social services if he believed there was a problem. So again I faked it, made it look like I had just been over come with so many emotions from being single and then hearing my baby for the first time and he said he would write to the social services and say there was no concerns and that I was just an emotional pregnant woman. I had successfully faked my way out of it. The only other time I lost control was when I was bullied at work and I just snapped, luckily for me all I did was say something really bad but in all honestly everything I said I would say it again now because what I called him was true. I didn't lash out physically but 2 men managed to convince the owners that I intimidated them enough for me to lose my job. The claimed that I had only said I had a mental issue after the incident but one of the men was my old shift manager who knew what I had been going through but then it would make him look bad because he hired the bully.
Day 38: Something you never leave the house without.
I never leave the house without my phone. It may sound quite selfish but in reality I know I can cope as long as I have my phone, I can phone for help, I can access my bank details, I can order and pay for food if I need to all from my phone. The only other thing I don't leave the house without is lip balm, that's just an obvious really.
OK so I have 8 posts to do now so I will try and do them in as much detail as I can.
Day 31: A picture of your family.
I don't have a picture of my whole family as we are never all in one place and never have a whole picture together so I have a couple of pictures of me with the 2 main people in my life, my mom and Charlotte. The first picture is from when Charlotte was about 7 weeks old at her cousins birthday party and the second picture is at Charlottes 2nd birthday party with the cake that me and my mom made.
Thinking about it I think I might do a post on parties.
Day 32: If you were to write a book, what genre would it be and what would it be about.
I have always wanted to write a book but I am torn as to what it would be about. I would love to write a children's book. I don't know what it would be about exactly but probably some kind of baby explorer or something like that. I would also love to write a contemporary romance book, not any of this soppy love stories or 50 shades style but something realistic and silly because love isn't perfect. Finally I would love to write a story based on my life.
Day 33: One piece of advice you would pass on to your child/children.
The biggest piece of advice would be that you don't have to follow the crowds, it is ok to deviate from what is expected of you if it is legal, doesn't cause you or anyone else harm and makes you happy then do it.
Day 34: How has your life changed in the last 5 years?
Its quite funny that this has come up because I was looking through my old facebook page a few days ago and realised just how much has changed in the last 5 years. this time 5 years ago I was booking the church and hotel for my wedding. since then I have cancelled the wedding, split up with him, met someone new,moved out, got pregnant, ended up pregnant and alone, moved back into my parents house got back together with Charlottes dad, gave birth, broke back up with him, went back to work after maternity leave, lost my job, started college and now I am a few months away from finishing college and charlotte turning 3. so lets just say I have a very busy 5 years.
Day 35:What class do you wish you had taken in school?
I don't think I would have changed what subjects I took in school I just wish I had kept my head down and got the grades I should have got and not took so long off and ruined my grades. I do wish I had decided to become a nurse at the time so I would have been well on my way by now.
Day 36: Share a recipe.
I will share my amazing and simple lasagne, not the one with the white sauce from scratch but the one where I cheat and it still tastes amazing. 750g minced beef 1 sachet of spaghetti Bolognese mix 1 jar of cheesy white sauce lasagne sheets cheese Cook the minced beef and sprinkle in the Bolognese mix, add a layer of the meat then some of the white sauce and a layer or lasagne sheets the repeat until all the meat has been used top off the meat with white sauce and top with cheese, bake in the oven for 50 minutes covered in foil then remove the foil for 10 minutes to brown the cheese. The easiest lasagne ever and so tasty.
Day 37: Do you hide something that would shock people?
I hide the severity of my mental problems from people. A lot of people know that I suffer from depression and anxiety but not to what extent. I have suffered for so long that I have been able to hide it very well. The best way to avoid the conversation is to fake it, a lot of my life I have faked, I have put on a smile and laughed on cue while inside I am screaming for people to leave me alone and for me to be able to shut myself away. Being a parent means I have to fake it so much more. when I was pregnant and he left me I found it hard to fake it and let my guard drop. It dropped when I was seeing my midwife and had a breakdown. She said because I was in such a state she would have to fill in I form for the social services to keep an eye on us when I gave birth, I had screwed up and I thought my baby was going to be taken away. I also made the bad decision of telling her dad hat had happened then he went and told his ex who rubbed it in my face that I hadn't even given birth yet and had social services involved. He claimed he told her because he didn't know how to deal with it. so I was sent for an evaluation with a GP and for it to be sent to the social services if he believed there was a problem. So again I faked it, made it look like I had just been over come with so many emotions from being single and then hearing my baby for the first time and he said he would write to the social services and say there was no concerns and that I was just an emotional pregnant woman. I had successfully faked my way out of it. The only other time I lost control was when I was bullied at work and I just snapped, luckily for me all I did was say something really bad but in all honestly everything I said I would say it again now because what I called him was true. I didn't lash out physically but 2 men managed to convince the owners that I intimidated them enough for me to lose my job. The claimed that I had only said I had a mental issue after the incident but one of the men was my old shift manager who knew what I had been going through but then it would make him look bad because he hired the bully.
Day 38: Something you never leave the house without.
I never leave the house without my phone. It may sound quite selfish but in reality I know I can cope as long as I have my phone, I can phone for help, I can access my bank details, I can order and pay for food if I need to all from my phone. The only other thing I don't leave the house without is lip balm, that's just an obvious really.
Thursday, 19 March 2015
CBT
So i have been having different therapy for quite a while. I have always been quite open with my mental health on here but i haven't explained CBT. I was referred for CBT last year after one on one therapy had come to an end. I needed to stop going over what happened in the past and learn to cope now and in the future. I finished session 10 of 12 today and i am going to miss going. I love having somewhere to go and discuss my week and how to deal with different situations. I do worry about not having the group anymore.
I do know where most of my anxiety comes from and its not something i can get rid of so keeping these skills are essential for me to cope.
Day: 30 3 random facts about you
Today post is weird. I didnt notice ehen i looked through the list that there is already 10 random facts about me so i will chance it a little and say 3 random things about today.
First random thing was while i was on the bus there was a girl who had drawn on eyebrows, now thats not as random as you think but these eyebrows met her hair line at the sides, like a line completely across her face from hair line to hair line the erased a small part in the middle. It looked very strange.
Second random thing we went to the mascot show for Charlottes birthday party and we expected it to be quite expensive but it was quite cheap, not so random right? But it was cheaper to have the mascot come to the party with a chocolate bouquet than it would be to hire the mascot on its own. Very strange.
Final random thing was going into the shopping mall and leave with exactly what i went in for. That never happens.
Wednesday, 18 March 2015
Days 28 and 29
28. Write a letter to someone.
Dear Mom,
We have never been the type of family that expresses our emotions very well, we have kept it to ourselves but we know we love each other by our actions. Sometimes I wish I was able to express it to you because I feel like you don't understand just how much I appreciate what you do for me. It's not just the help I get with Charlotte but the part where you take me places and pick me up when you can, you have taught me how to be the mother I am. Even when I don't feel I am being a great mom you prove me wrong. What made me want to write this was I was watching supernanny US today and there was a girl who lived with her parents with her 2 boys and she was an awful mother. She left her mother to do all the work while she was sat on her phone, the children ran wild and she did nothing, she was ignorant and had no appreciation for her parents. Even when they were asked who was going to get up with the children in the morning she was waiting for her mother to step up. It made me cry thinking I do this sometimes and may not show just how much I really do appreciate everything you do and not just take it for granted. not only are you my mother you are my best friend. I do love you with all my heart and I don't know what I would do with out you.
29. Your current favourite show.
Right now my favourite show is a tie for top place with:-
Dear Mom,
We have never been the type of family that expresses our emotions very well, we have kept it to ourselves but we know we love each other by our actions. Sometimes I wish I was able to express it to you because I feel like you don't understand just how much I appreciate what you do for me. It's not just the help I get with Charlotte but the part where you take me places and pick me up when you can, you have taught me how to be the mother I am. Even when I don't feel I am being a great mom you prove me wrong. What made me want to write this was I was watching supernanny US today and there was a girl who lived with her parents with her 2 boys and she was an awful mother. She left her mother to do all the work while she was sat on her phone, the children ran wild and she did nothing, she was ignorant and had no appreciation for her parents. Even when they were asked who was going to get up with the children in the morning she was waiting for her mother to step up. It made me cry thinking I do this sometimes and may not show just how much I really do appreciate everything you do and not just take it for granted. not only are you my mother you are my best friend. I do love you with all my heart and I don't know what I would do with out you.
29. Your current favourite show.
Right now my favourite show is a tie for top place with:-
 |
| Catfish, love Nev and Max and the twisted stories. |
 |
| Dance moms, I hate Abby but the dancers are amazing. |
 |
| I survived a zombie apocalypse. |
 |
| Great British Sewing Bee, I love seeing the creations and it inspires me to make things. |
Monday, 16 March 2015
Days: 25, 26 and 27
25. What did you want to be growing up?
When i was growing up i wanted to be an astronaut. I loved the sky and the stars. Then when nasa announced they wanted to send people to mars i wanted to be there. This was when i found out i couldnt have kids. I would have been willing to give up my whole life to be there. Then i had Charlotte and realised the mission isnt worth it and chances are its not going to be successful.
26. What are your turn on and turn offs.
Turn ons:
Massage
Big shoulders
Deep eyes
Ability to make me laugh
How to put a girl first in the bedroom
Playfulness
Turn offs:
Lies
Horrible feet
Cheats
Bad smells
Ignorance
Bad manners
Violence
27. Do you believe in fate?
I thought i believed in fate to a degree but now i think fate is there but to help you learn from situations so finding someone who, at the time, you think you love ehen in reality its teaching something.
Friday, 13 March 2015
Days: 22, 23 and 24
I have come to the conclusion that i cant blog every day so i wont get too hung up on it.
Day 22. What is one thing you have always want to try?
I have always wanted to try a stuntman course. Like where you learn to jump from buildings onto the inflatable mattress and stunt driving. I think that would be amazing.
Day 23. 10 random facts about yourself.
1. I can make myself sneeze.
2. I am addicted to pepsi max.
3. I am ambidextrous.
4. I was a cheerleader and ballroom dancer.
5. I used to want to work on a cruise ship.
6. The only time i went on a plane was to go to florida.
7. I love the ballet.
8. I had a birthmark under my armpit when i was younger.
9. I want to go on safari.
10. I fall in love very easy.
2. I am addicted to pepsi max.
3. I am ambidextrous.
4. I was a cheerleader and ballroom dancer.
5. I used to want to work on a cruise ship.
6. The only time i went on a plane was to go to florida.
7. I love the ballet.
8. I had a birthmark under my armpit when i was younger.
9. I want to go on safari.
10. I fall in love very easy.
Day 24. What is your favourite comfort food?
This is a draw between pizza and a cheese spread and watsit sandwich.
Tuesday, 10 March 2015
Are you ready???????
So I know I said I would do a post just on charlotte, well I have been going through all my pictures to narrow it down and I managed to get is down to only just under 160!!!!! So it will be major photo overload. obviously I don't have the time or the patience to put that many pictures in to any kind of order so they will be in the order they upload and I will try and date them as best I can.
 |
| August 2014 Wales holiday |
 |
| Photo shoot just before her christening April 2013 |
 |
| Peppa pig world July 2013 |
 |
| Last time she used a stroller august 2014 Wales holiday |
 |
| 2014 |
 |
| 2013 |
 |
 |
| 2013 |
 |
 |
| 2013 |
 |
| Halloween 2013 |
 |
| Christmas winter wonderland hyde park 2013 |
 |
| santa 2013 |
 |
 |
| santa 2014 |
 |
| ellies christening 2013 |
 |
| Disney on ice 2014 |
 |
| Christmas 2013 |
 |
| Cadbury world 2014 |
 |
| 2012 |
 |
| 2012/2013 |
 |
| harry potter studio tour 2014 |
 |
| 2012 |
 |
| 2014 |
 |
| 2013/2014 |
 |
| think tank 2014 |
 |
| big toddle 2014 |
 |
| Snowdon 2014 |
 |
| baby competition 2013 |
 |
| milkshake live show 2014 |
 |
| copper mine Wales holiday 2013 |
 |
| charlottes 2nd birthday 2014 |
 |
| Easter 2013 |
 |
| winning picture of the baby competition 2013 |
 |
| packed up and ready for holiday 2014 |
 |
| baby ballet class |
 |
| Big Charlotte and Little Charlotte |
 |
| Disney VIP party 2014 |
 |
| go-karting on holiday 2014 |
 |
| handmade dress by nanny |
 |
 |
| ready for hollys 2nd birthday party |
 |
| Like mother like daughter |
 |
| 2013 |
 |
| Age 2 and half and still fits into her christening gown from when she was 10 months old |
 |
| first ballet pumps |
 |
| a whole year in ballet class |
That wasn't has hard as I thought it would be, I didn't caption every one because some are the same as others.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)