Im so stressed

I really don't know what to do.....I am having all these problems at work and i really don't need the stress right now.
I have wrote about someone called Ewa before well, i was at work on Monday and she waited till about 10 minutes before we finished work to come over and corner me and ask if i had a mental problem, i had no idea what she was talking about but i found this very insulting because i have suffered with manic depression since i was in school, so i don't respect someone asking that. Anyway then she went on telling me i should stop talking about her on facebook because people are laughing at her....i had no idea what she was talking about again, yes i put something on facebook at the time she was talking about but i cant help the fact that she thinks the world revolves around her and that maybe this status wasn't about her, i dont get why people think they can use my personal facebook page as ammunition at work? So i just said it wasn't like she doesn't talk about me or anyone else to her friends but in her own language, to which she said yes she does and we are all women so what do i expect.......erm am i the only one who wants to know why its ok for people to talk about others because we are women but if i did say anything about her why she has a problem with it. Then she went to swear at me but stopped and said she wasn't going to say it because she was not like my mom (my mom swore in front of one of her friends when they had moved her work back just before Christmas) then i said she was exactly the same because she went to say it, then she proceeded to tell me to f**k off numerous times while waffling on about me growing up and stop causing trouble, when i got a word in a told her that she was in the wrong because she came to my work area and left hers just to have a go and intimidate my by standing over me while saying all this and just reading into things that wernt about her. She must have been looking for something to pin on me because she would have read the status then had to click to read more comments from what she told me she had read. As we had words before why would she feel the need to search my page and statuses for unless she was waiting for something to have a rant about. I will put a copy of the conversation between me and my friend that was on facebook so that you can see nowhere are there any names. I got worked up after she walked away when other people started turning up for the night shift so when i was ready to leave i told her if she had a problem with something outside of work then tell me outside of work, to which she flew off again saying i am the one with the problem and i should grow up, i sad she was the one who needed to grow up and how old is she, all she could say was how old am i?..... Well i am 24 this year she is 30 i think 6 years is a lot of time to mature to her standards and her sophistication (not that i would want to if that's how you act). In the end all i could think was she did it at the end of work hoping she could just go home and i would drop it and hoping the head of shift would have already left. I personally think she has some sort of attention disorder like she has to make sure everything is about her even if its not. Not long ago i woke up to people asking if i was ok i didn't under stand but when i went onto facebook i understand why, someone had set up a fake facebook page with my name and commented on every single picture that i was in with the word 'fake' now i have like 400 pictures with me in on there and every time they commented i got an email, looking at the times of the emails it took them about an hour and half and finished about 1:30 in the morning, don't that sound a little bit suspicious as the same week our clock-in cards were being moved. I told all of this to the head of shift nick and he said not to take it further as he will sort it and has it....no it got worse obviously when she was looming over me with her rant. So i rang ACAS who are like a union and told them the situation and what i should do about it, the lady said that it sounded like serious intimidation and should be taken higher which would be to write an official grievance letter to the manager saying what happened and to request a meeting to see how this is going to be solved. which i did. Nick wasn't pleased and didn't speak to me at all last night after he found out i had gone higher than him and gone to Geoff, but what does he expect when he was going round saying he would tell them but did nothing and then last night my mom herd him talking to other people about it. I was supposed to have a meeting today before work but i got a phone call saying the owners were thankful with the way i had dealt with things so far and they would do everything official so i should be getting a letter maybe today to say when the meeting is, i was also told the Ewa was not told about any of this so if i do get any comments from her i know who has told her. I am also allowed someone in the meeting with me so i asked June if she will come with me but it depends when it is now as i don't want to drag her down if it is out of work hours, she knows that i need the fertility treatment and is always asking how i am coping and am i dealing with the stresses so she knows what I'm going through. I have been pushed around way too much in my life and I'm not going to just push it away anymore. The only thing i am really bothered about is when ever one of the polish get told off for anything they pull the racist card, that would hurt me so much because i am the most un racist person in the world, i went to a primary school and secondary school when white English kids were the minority and so i have been bought up to see that as normal, one of my best friends in primary school was a refugee from Albania so how can i be racist???


This is what was put on facebook, where does that say anything spacific to a person? where is her name?
Amy Whittaker
At what age is it inappropriate to look like an over grown toddler???? I think someone missed the memo lol
25 March at 17:47 via Android · Friends only ·LikeUnlike · · View feedback (8)Hide feedback (8).
Hayley Smith and Kimberley Meekcom like this..


Adele Cashmore Funniest status I've read in a while!
25 March at 21:52 · LikeUnlike.


Amy Whittaker Its even funnier if you could see the person its about all i will say is a headband ok but a bow???? And they are like 30 lol
25 March at 22:08 · LikeUnlike.


Adele Cashmore When you mentioned toddler I had the image of a 30 year old woman in a baby grow or something similar!
25 March at 22:09 · LikeUnlike.


Amy Whittaker Not quite but i wouldnt put it past this person to wear something just as bad like a ribbon in their hair with dungrees (cant spell it sorry lol)
25 March at 22:15 · LikeUnlike.


Adele Cashmore This person sounds like a sight to be seen!
25 March at 22:18 · LikeUnlike.


Amy Whittaker She sure is
25 March at 22:22 · LikeUnlike
Any way i could really do with some chill out time. I cant wait for the Easter holidays!!!!!!

i may need a blood transfusion.....

Well AF started creeping in Wednesday morning so i got my moon cup at the ready, it was all ok until i was shopping Thursday morning, i had to go to the ladies and realised my cup was leaking, i thought i was maybe that it wasn't in properly but it was it just ended up that full that it some how leaked, for the rest of the day i wore a pad too, which sort of defeated the object of getting the cup as i didn't want to use pads and tampons anymore. But since then i have just had to abandon the cup, and make sure i visit the toilet VERY often, i mean in all the time i went through not having a period in like 6 months, never have i bled so much, i feel like i am hemorrhaging and i feel really weak and hungry which i don't know if it has anything to do with it but its not fun. I was talking with my mom and she said i am never happy when i had no periods i wanted them so that i could feel 'normal' now i am having all my missed ones in one i don't want them, i know my mom was joking but it is right, but i don't to not have one but i don't want it like this either, i can barely do anything just in case i make a mess.

It is just over a week into lent and i have been doing good so far, i haven't cheated, the only thing i have been having is tortillas wraps, but as it has no yeast i think it should be ok, its not a bread as such so i think I'm good. other than that i have nothing else at the moment.

Love it magazine

I love 'love it' magazine, i get it almost every week and there is always something in there that shocks me. But while i was looking through last week i thought im gonna send a picture of my puppy in to them just for the sake of it, so i went on the website and while looking i found this section where you can apply to try a diet from them, they supply everything and i can be in the mag. i thought why not reply i never get picked for anything right.....wrong....i had a girl from the magazine ring me today asking if i was up for it and i said yea so she will get back to me with more details, wow, i normally never like to really show myself or 'air my dirt laundry' as some may say but, i am so desperate at the moment to lose the weight i am willing to try anything, i finished weight watchers just 3 lbs less than when i started, i felt so ashamed, but for me i always felt like i was eating way to much while on it, like i eat a lot of fruit and veg anyway but as they are no points they dont cound then i was allowed 33 daily points then my weekly 49 and i was using no where near that unless we were going out for something like pizza and they were saying i should be sticking to my points but that was a lot of food for me, especially when i was under the nutritionalist before and they said as long as i was not feeling weak or like i was going to faint and i had enough energy i could manage on one meal a day, and that was from the hospital so from going from that where i managed to lose a lot of weight before to having to eat so much with weight watchers i couldnt put my finger on why i wasnt losing the weight. They also kept talking about how things like hormones and thyroid problems have nothing to do with weight, well that really bothered me because i have already done my research and hormones do play a major roll and this is a reason why someone with PCOS like me has problems losing weight but they wouldnt see that, just the weight watchers formula and it works there is proof, but i just wanted to scream and say please live my life work my work deal with my stresses and then deal with the hormonal imbalance and show me how easy it is to lose weight because im not playing around, i need to lose this weight if i have any chance at a family and even just for that reason only i would try anything but i know starving myself will do more harm than good.



How can i win?????

i wish....

This is something i never thought i would write but i wish my period would hurry up and come already.

I dont mean tk sound negative but i havnt got my hopes up that this is a magical month or anything. I have learned my lesson over the past 3 years not to torture myself like that but i know its coming as it does every month but this time has decided to make me have the worst build up ever.

Bloating is all over the place one minute i can fit in my skinny jeans the next i can barely fit in my loose ones then back to my skinny ones again. My emotions are all over the place too i even got choked up over crufts....CRUFTS of all things. Then there is the constant fear of losing my lunch even tho i havnt been sick i have had that little bit that comes up just to taste then goes back down buy haunts you for hours later with its persistant burning. When will it all end. I know many people would tell me 'maybe you should take a test' 'sounds to me like you are pregnant' i remember those feelings too' well im sorry to be so negative but if i did do a test and it said negative i would probably make the symptoms worse but if it said positive it would probably turn out that i am one of those people who has a dudu test and it is really a negative but thought it would show the line just to give me a heart attack.

Ok rant over as i am at work....

lent

As it is the beginning of lent i have decided to take it serious this year, last year i managed it but i only went with the chocolate as it was something i thought i could do as there would be something i could substitute it with but this year i have decided that i am giving up bread and other yeast products, i know this will be a challenge for me as i think bread is a big part of my diet like a roll with my soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, so i am going to work hard and maybe this will keep my mind on track and i can concentrate on the prayers that's are needed. I'm sure with the help of my mom i will make it.

Now i have calmed down

I was going to post a few days ago but i was just so irritated the post would be all over the place so now i have calmed down i will tell you the story.

A few weeks ago i told the guy at work about needing IVF, i wanted to find out how i would have to approach the managers about time off so that means there are more people who know about it now, well as i have been working the weekends there were others in too and one told her husband to come in and wait for her, this was way before finishing time, but this isn't allowed, she has been told about this before and when other people have had someone in they have been told to leave, but this time when she was told off about it she tried to pull the race card saying this wouldn't have happened if she was English, but it would it is health and safety, so on Tuesday she faced up to Hayley who told on her, which i think anyone would have done, if they had the balls like her, lol, anyway, she was asking what her problem was and was standing above her with a drink, how intimidating does that sound???? So she was told on again and so nick and June went into the canteen to talk but it wasn't just hem they had Ewa in there too.. like i have said before Ewa is our equal she has no superiority over us so i wanted to know why she was let in there and we wasn't, because when they came out June never told us what went on but Ewa went telling all the polish what went on, Nicks reason was she was the translator!!!!! HELLOOOOO!!!! am i the only person these days who thinks that if someone comes to England and doesn't speak English then they shouldn't be here?? I am not racist, and a lot of them are OK but i am damn sure if i went to Poland or in fact anywhere in the world that's mother tongue isn't English i would be expected to speak their language, so why should we be expected to treat them any different. Whenever anything happens their they pull the race card and try to claim, there was one who was let go because she was an agency worker and the extra work was over and she wasn't the only one, but she was pregnant at the time so she was trying to sue saying she was let go because she was pregnant, they do it on purpose because since then Helaina was on the agency and got pregnant and they took her on, its like they are scared of them now. Anyway i am getting off track. I ended up having a huge slanging match with Nick about the fact that he is giving Ewa the ammunition she needs to walk around like she does and think she is better than us, after she had come out the canteen she was over at Helaina's machine and they wouldn't stop staring, i said to nick that this is taking the piss ass i had someone who had set up a facebook page in my name and went along and put 'fake' on every one of my pictures and that's around 400 pictures, and i know it was one of them, so i said to nick that as they are never at their machine they could be listening in to our conversation and find out that i need IVF, how much ammunition would that be to them???? I got so angry about the situation i burst into tears and had to spend some time in the office. When i finally calmed down i realised i had had enough, i really don't care what they know any more as i would just make sure they got in trouble if they gave me trouble. In the end i had got all my anger out i was calm enough to drive home in my moms car which i didn't do that bad saying i am still a learner and i haven't driven a car in a while. Then to day i managed to drive to and from the bride shop, its not really that far away but i had to go through a busy shopping centre but i coped quite well.

IVM????

I was catching up on my google reader today and it started to think about whether there were things like trials or testing that i could look into to maybe get treatment for a reduced price or even free. While searching i came across something called IVM and so i looked into it and it was really interesting.

IVM, in vitro maturation, is like IVF but tailored for PCOS patients, PCOS gives you a higher chance of OHSS, ovarian hypostimulation syndrome, which can be very serious and most of the time needs a hospital stay and a halt in treatment, so this IVM eliminates this. Unlike IVF there are no drugs before egg retrieval apart from one 36 hours before. This is because they retrieve unmatured eggs and then mature them in the lab, then when they have matured for a day or 2 they will remove the hard shell that will have formed and by using ICSI,  intracytoplasmic sperm injection, they fertilise the eggs like with IVF and transfer the one or 2 back to the womb. After the egg retrieval you have to use progesterone suppositories like you would with IVF but that's about all the drugs needed. I also read about the first babies born from this treatment, they were a set o twins from oxford, again the UK beat the world like with the IVF, (please don't take offence rest of the world) and they said it was like a £95 IVF cycle. It didn't explain the whole cost involved but even if that was just for the drugs that's a load cheaper then the £1500 for drugs and being stuck with needles everyday. The only way i could find the price was going onto the oxford fertility unit site but you have to download the adobe package and no mater how many times i tried it never happened so i am still not sure how much it will cost. I was thinking of taking this information with me when i go to the doctors and asking if they had any information on it and if it was available to me or where its available if i cant be funded. Even if it half the price that knocks it down from £4500 to £2250 which means there are more chances of success with more cycles.

I wonder if anyone else has more information on this????