I hate admitting

I feel like I'm falling in to depression again, I have tried my hardest to talk to people and try not to fall but i am, I think I'm on the edge right now. I have days where nothing really bothers me but lately i have been really hating the time when my mom goes to work. I know i only have about 5 weeks before i go back to work but in that time i am going to feel so much worse. The day is fine, my mom is here and i can go and do things but it gets to like 4pm and time seems to stop, my dad comes home and I have to take Charlotte up stairs and spend the rest of my night up there. I have to pass my test this year, ideally asap. There is only so many places i can go when i don't drive. I think when i go back to work it wont be as bad because Charlotte will be off with Liz until Adam picks her up or i have to get her and i will have my work to keep my occupied.

Some pictures that make me so happy while I'm feeling so down.

I think I'm going to have to do another Photo shoot very soon, I had some pictures done recently but she really wasn't in the mood so there was only a few half decent ones.

Charlotte has been on her medication for her birthmarks for over a month now and i am starting to see the difference, not so much on her bottom and her back but the one on her ear is definitely getting smaller and the one on her face doesn't grow as much as it used to when she gets upset. She has an appointment with an eye specialist this week just to check the one on her face hasn't done any damage to her eye on the inside but we don't think it has.

I want Charlotte's 'firsts' to be remembered so much that I'm getting her a Charlotte's 1st Easter jumper.

I have been trying to plan Charlotte's christening since November and I'm getting nowhere. i have to go to church on Wednesday to see if the Rev is in to see if she will agree to let us have the christening at that church and then see if they rent out the hall on the side. I have so many ideas for decorations and cakes.

Final picture The cutest outfit i have seen and i must have it.

Until next time x

Where has my baby gone!!!

I hate how fast time is going, it only feels like yesterday i found out i was pregnant and now here we are, Charlotte is 7 months old and we are having new things happen almost every day. In the last 2 weeks we have had 2 teeth come though and it wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be, she only seemed to suffer in the day, she could just be like me and not give a shit because she wants her sleep, pain can wait lol. With all these first i wanted something different to record them so after seeing someones idea on facebook i went to good old Ikea and got a jar and decorated it and now write all her firsts and the date on coloured post-it notes and pop them in the jar.

Here's my jar you cant really see very well but on the front it says, 'Charlotte and Amy's memory jar 2013'. This year will have so many memories to put in that i wouldn't know when things happened so i will fill the jar and if it works out well i will do it year after year and end up with shit loads of jars that i will have to store somewhere lol.

On other news i joined twitter today, well i actually joined a few years ago but don't know what my name was because I'm such a dork so decided to set up another one, not that i know how to use it still lol, sometimes i wonder if i really am 25 because i can be so thick lol.

I have an official 'going back to work' date now and i don't know how i feel about it, i go back on my usual shift which wasn't the plan, i was supposed to be switching to day shift so my mom can look after Charlotte and then she will bring her to work with her and i will go home with her but they couldn't fit me on that shift so i am staying put for now. I go back on the 25th March so i have almost 2 months left which seems like nothing. I think the main reason  want to go back is to know what day of the week it is lol. I didn't realise you could get so disoriented by not going to work. The one day i had to go for a walk to the shop just to buy a drink because i hadn't step foot out the house in 3 days, i was starting to get cabin fever and i started to panic, it was horrible.

I decided a little while ago that i wanted to change my hair, i know what a shocker, but didn't want to keep going from brown to red and back again, i wanted to go back to blonde. It took about a month to strip it back and get the red colour out but i made it. How many hair colours and styles can you get in less than a year lol.

I have been wanting to get photos og Charlotte done for a while but never have so i am thinking if she is in a cooperative mood this weekend i might take her to have some done. I am hoping to have a nice one done of me an her together an have a decent size print of it, i know that's very doubtful but i can dream.

I am going to give one more note then its off to bed. Even though i was able to have a baby i still think PCOS sucks ass, i am so sick of having to defuzz myself everyday, if its not my chin its my eyebrows and don't get me started on my toekini line (that's everything from tows all the way up if you didn't realise lol) It takes the piss, sometimes i step out the shower and feel like it has dropped about 20 degrees only for the hair to be just as bad in a day or 2. Well i think you have heard enough about my fuzzy bits for now. x