i want an infertility chair

My request sounds a little weird right????? Let me explain.

First off infertility sucks!!!!!!

Now the reason behind me wanting a chair is at work they have this pregnancy chair its a comfy office chair with wheels and arm rests, well yesterday there was nobody using said chair therefore when my mom got to her work station and the chair was there she used it as everyone else has done since the last pregnant girl left. Then as she comes back from getting some handles she needed this girl had taken her things off the chair and was starting to walk away with itsaying she was pregnant. Fair enough but what gives her the right to move peoples belongings without asking or them being there???? Well as you can guess my mom was not best pleased. She shuved the chair the girl had replaced it with and the girl asked what her problem was. Well as anybody would she give her bit. Then she got told not to swear at her because she was pregnant. Im sorry but last thing i heard nobody had suffered a misscarriage from being swore at. Well then she had this chair and while i am at my moms area i see her carrying a heavy box!!!! If she is pregnant enough for a special chair then she shouldnt be carrying this box. She wasnt 'pregnant' yesterday as she was on a normal chair so i am presuming she found out today so i doubt she is very far along so why does that worrent special treatment??????

You are probably thinking here is just another infertile who is jealous right???? In part yes bet to make it irritate me more is she is a forener who knows that now she has been taken on they cant get rid of her and she get maternity pay and leave thats the same thing that the last girl did. It is getting to me so much that they are like a day pregnant and they can announce it with a chair but i am here with aunt flow who turned up this morning and i want a chair to say;
"yes i am infertile"
"yes i am sat on this special chair"
"and yes if you piss me of with your babble about being a week pregnant i cannot be held responcible for my actions"

It doesnt normally bother me but if i am down and upset i cant cry at work because people will ask why. What am i supposed to say "im upsey because i am sick of these people who only have to talk or think about getting pregnant and it happens and here i am a sad old infertile who cant take it" we are looked at like its nothing but its not nothing it cuts so deep and i just want my chair and my right to get up and shout to the next person to say "yea but im pregnant" to beable to turn around and say "congratulations for being so normal and so awesome and amazing while i sit here with my ovaries in perminant hibernation, thank you for making me one step closer to taking my anger out on someone. Feel free to offer your face to meet my hand any time." But no us infertiles have to sit like nice little freaks and be quiet the biggest taboo ever.

Day 3, Day 4, Day 5 and Day 6

I haven't been here for the last few days i have been quite busy having new fence in the garden and sorting out Christmas decorations so here is a big post today for my challenge.

Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date.

My idea of the perfect first date would be something like a picnic so that its not too formal and not too loud so you can get to know each other then end with him walking you home with a single kiss, aawwwwww.


Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.

This is Amy, i love this picture.


Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.

This was taken January 2008 so its nearly 3 years ago but when we had a photo shoot, that was a fun day. 

Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.

I have posted this picture before but i thought i would use it again, i love penguins i would love to have one, I'm sure its cold here in the winter for one as the temperature recently has gone to around -2 centigrade which is cold.

On another note, i had an appointment today about the mole I'm gonna have removed, we thought it was to have it off today but it wasn't, so we went all that way just so that she could say it didn't look like there was anything wrong with it and if i knew having it off would leave a scar?? EERRRRRMMMM hello I'm not stupid and its not like I'm a super model or anything how will a scar be any different to the mole anyway. so i have to go back on the 22nd December to have it taken off then i don't have to go to work as i break up for Christmas the day before.

On another note, again, i went back to weight watchers this morning and was crapping myself, i had a huge binge yesterday, i didn't even want to work out my points, i had an OK brunch (i took the dog out so wasn't back until half 11 so had brunch instead of breakfast) then my dinner was not too bad apart from i had some roasted potatoes in oil, then in the afternoon i couldn't stop i ate 2/3 of a pack of biscuits, 2/3 of a tube of pringles, a slice of pizza, a packet of crisps and a weight watchers chocolate dessert. So i get to the front of the queue to be weighed and i am so nervous i felt like being in school again where i was gonna be told off, but it turns out i still lost 1 and half pounds this week, which was pretty good to say i binged.

4 Things.

Today i was catching up on a few blogs and came across this little thing that someone was doing, it was 4 Things then you have to answer them so i thought to pass the time before i go to work i would do them. Here goes.

4 Things I did 10 Years Ago (2000):

 

I started secondary school.

 

I moved into my current house.

 

I dyed my hair for the first time.

 

I lost one of my best friends.

 

4 Things I did 5 Years Ago (2005):

 

I had just started my second year at college.

 

I lost a lot of weight on diet pills.

 

I fell so deep into depression, i was on medication and was concidering the unthinkable.

 

I got my first job at the showcase cinemas and it was awesome.

 

4 Things I did Yesterday:

 

Decided that i was going to put christmas lights on the outside of the house.

 

Decided Friday is christmas shopping day.

 

Had a headache.

 

Went to work.

 

4 Shows I love to watch:

 

19 Kids and counting (it hasnt got to 19 kids and counting over here yet but i have seen it in advance)

 

Hannan Montana forever even though i am an adult i still made sure i stopped what i was doing when the hour long special came on to so how she told everyone that she was miley, on the leno show too, it was awesome and i loved the one where she sang the song for the families of army men and women, it bought a tear to my eye.

 

Teen mom, i know it sounds sad but i do enjoy the drama.

 

Sister wives, i dont believe in polygammy but who am i to say other people shouldnt do it, it is quite and eye opening program.

 

  

4 things I love to do:

 

Read, i have always loved to read, i will read almost anything, and i must say when i am in the book store i do judge a book by its cover, that is sometimes how i pick my next read, it doesnt always work out but it is still a way of picking.

Shopping i think that one was a little bit predictable.

 
Walk my dog.

 

Play on the Wii.

I just had to share Day 2 - a picture of something you ate today.

UPDATED!!!! I didnt actually realise that todays challenge was something i ate today until i just looked so it was quite a good thing i had a yummy lunch today, lol.

Well i actually got into my weight watchers book and looked at what real food i can eat apart from rabbit food and so i came up with a rather yummy lunch today, i had

• steamed chicken breast = 4 points
• oven chips = 5 points
• side salad with half portion of cheese = 2 points
• bbq sauce = 1 points
• fruit juice = 2 points

Total was 14 points which as my main meal of the day was awesome i think, just take a look.

That was one tasty lunch. I am left with 12 points for today and that will be about a 3 point snack and a cup-a-soup for 1 point, the last 2 days i havnt had all my points, i dont know if this is going to make a difference but i cant see how eating more is going to help.

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.

My day today didn't quite start as it usually does, normally i am woken up by Mimi jumping at the side of the bed but i woke up this morning quite late and she was still asleep. Obviously when i started moving she got up too. I got up fed her then let her outside. I then got ready to go out to tesco to get something for my dinner, i didn't know what i wanted at this point, so off me and my mom went on the short walk to tesco, i ended up buying a multi pack.....no not of biscuits but of magazines, a pack of grapes and a cabbage, see i love cabbage, if it wasn't for my love of cheese and Italian food i would be so healthy as i love most veg, so i decided i was going to have cabbage with chicken and a sprinkle of cheese for my dinner that should have come to around 10 points. When i got to the checkout i was served buy the guy who always had to pet Mimi when i took her in when she was so tiny, he asked where she was today and i told him that i didn't want to bring her as we were told to leave the main store before so i didn't want her to be banned from the other shops too, he said i should argue that there are no signs up about not taking the dog in, plus she was always carried anyway so where is the problem?? Anyway, i went home and made my dinner, and started to design the writing for my Christmas card to Ruth and David from the US, by designing the writing i mean, my mom has a machine that can cut out and draw things so i went online to pick a Christmas font and tried a few out and finally finished it, all i need to do now is stick it down then fill it out, pop the gift i got her in the envelope and send it off. Well then i caught up with the blogs i follow then had to get ready for work, at this point i could feel a headache coming on, so i had to suffer at work with one of those niggly headaches that is right at the front above your eyes, well then i came back and decided i wanted a fish finger sandwich, but yes you guessed it we had no fish fingers, so i ended up cooking a coated fish portion then mashing it onto a sandwich and you know what?? it tasted awesome!!!! I could just eat another, but i wont as i am on my weight watchers.

Weight watchers

So, my doctor said i qualified for 12 weeks free weight watchers sessions, so as i needed to lose weight i might as well do them. so i went yesterday for the first time, and lets just say it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. I got a lot of information and they let me know what my points limit was and how it works and i got weighed which i will come to later. Today was my first day using points which was a little bit weird as normally i just look on the packet of what ever i am having but now i either have to look it up in a book or use this new wheel they gave me, they also talked about pedometers, which i was gonna get a while ago but never did, and she said the average woman does just over 4000 steps a day but needed to be doing at least 6000 to make a difference so when i got home i looked on ebay an got one like this,

This morning we were rudely woken up by the post man banging on the door and it turns out the pedometer had arrived, i only ordered it at lunch time yesterday and it was here this morning, now that's a service i like to see, lol. so we decided last night that we would take Mimi for a walk around himley so i set up the pedo, clipped it on my trousers and away i went, it was only when i got back to the car that i took a look at what i had done, 3747 steps in the past about 2 hours, are you for real!!!! this is just my normal daily things so i walk well over the 4000 i am supposed to do on a normal day and that's not when i am trying, then there is work, i am going to wear it to work and see how much i do there as i do walk quite a lot at work. Over all i think its great.

Now on to my weight, i have been meaning to write about this for a while but i felt a little bit ashamed but here goes, i set up a weight loss page at the top there to track my weight loss, i originally weighed myself on my wii fit as that is something i can use everyday, well turns out i don't weight what it says on there it said i was 13st 5lbs when I'm not, the weight was wrong as we had new carpet so this was not giving me a correct reading, when i got weighed at the doctors and at weight watchers i was between 14st 1lb and 14st 3lbs, this is quite alot of difference, this is what is making my BMI 31.1 when i need it to be under 30, this means i have to lose at least 7lbs and soon as i don't know when i need to lose it by, if the letter from my doctor to the PCT board gets declined then i will be very p***ed off, i know its the rules but the least they could do is give me the first consultation to see if i lost the weight already then if not send me away. On the weight watchers they said to aim for 2lbs a week, so if this works i would have lost 8lbs in a month and should be under 30 BMI.

Day 30 - a picture

Here we are again at the end of another 30 day challenge, but dont worry i will be starting a new one tomorrow, well infact it is 2, i found a new one plus a photo one so i will be linking them both together.
Day 30 - a picture, i thought i would put something on here today that i found which really put a smile on my face, its a few pictures i found one day when i was looking for a pick me up and these really did the trick i hope you like them.

Thanks for following.

Day 28-Something that stresses you out and Day 29-3 Wishes

Day 28 - something that stresses you out. I think this is pretty obvious, what stresses me out so much is the fact that my body isn't the same as someone else my age, i mean, i don't want to be like the same but you always hear people say your young you have your health and nothing to worry about infertility is something that happens when you leave having children too late, but in my case even if i was 'old' at the ripe old age of 23 then when would have been my time, 10 12 14 years????? this is so stressing and to make it a little bit more stressing i still have to lose weight before getting the IVF, i went for the first meeting for weight watchers this morning and so tomorrow i start the diet, i am just hoping i lose at least 8 lbs by then. all these things are what is stressing me out.

Day 29 - 3 wishes, wish 1- i wish my body would just work the way it should, wish 2 - that Ruth could get her wish of a healthy baby, i know i don't know her but what i do know of her she is so deserving. wish 3 - i wish for my mom not to hurt so much about not seeing her grand kids.

Day 27-Pets

Since i have been old enough to buy and look after my own animals i have had a few so i didn't really want to leave any of them out so i am gonna give them all a little recognition.



My first pet was a hamster called Dora. She died of old age.

Then we have Dora, yes that's right i had 2 hamsters called Dora because when i had mine my sister got my niece one but then didn't want to look after it so i had it. She died of wet tail.

Then i had 2 little hamsters that the store said could be placed together but the one killed the other one. First we have Bella who was killed by fizz.

Then fizz, who dies of old age.

Then i had a rabbit called bob who is still with us at the ripe old age of 3 ish.

Then i had a tiny little Russian hamster the was originally called Zena but after being able to escape her glass tank then a sealed plastic cage i changed her name to Lil h (h for Houdini) but she dies last month i presume of old age. She was that small she is actually next to a loo roll tube in the picture.

For the past about 4 years we have also had 2 other animals that i didn't buy but i am the one who has housed them in my room when needed, feed them and water them and clean them out and these are chip and monk, our 2 chipmonks, my dad got these from a guy at work who had to get rid of them, they did have names but we couldn't remember them so i just called them chip and monk. first is chip then monk. we still have these.

Then you gotta save the best till last, my little baby Mimi, my king Charles spaniel. Check out her own little page at the top for all the up to date info and pics.

Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs and Day 26-Picture of your family

Day 25-Put your ipod on shuffle, first 10 songs. (i dont have an ipod i have a Zen player)
1. BEP - I got a feelin'
2. Anastasia - One day in your life
3. Green Day - American idiot
4. Hillsong - Hosana
5. Taylor Swift - Thug story
6. Taylor Swift - Best day
7. Tenacious D - City hall
8. Elton John - Your song
9. Miley Cyrus - Simple song
10. Gwen Stefani - Long way to go

That is a great mix.

Day 26-Picture of your family.
I dont have a picture of all my family together so i will put my little family on here.

This is my little family so far, me Dave and my 'baby' Mimi.

Yesterdays appointment

Well, yesterday me and Dave had the appointment with my GP, we had to answer some questions like do we have children? have we had any fertility treatment before? are we willing to do all is asked of us during the process? and then the one i was dreading, is the female patients bmi over 19 but under 30? well a few weeks ago i went to the doctors and was weighed there and i was 31.1 BMI since then i have been eating more healthy and working out and taking the dog on long walks and my BMI is........ 31.1...still, the doctor said it may not make any difference as she will put down that i have shown signs of weight loss over the past year and that i was in the process of going to weight watchers, but the only thing that is bothering me is different scales are giving different weights so i have different BMI, between the different scales my weight can change by 7 lbs, which is the difference between having a BMI of 29.something and 31.1. well she said she would need to get into contact with my DeSilvas receptionist to get a copy of the SA to send with the application which will be sent to the board at the primary car trust who will give us the answer, she said she thinks this will take at least a month so i really don't know where i am at the moment.

On the weight loss point, when i went to the doctors a few weeks ago i said that i think i needed a little bit of help with the weight loss so they said because of my situation they can give me free weight watchers sessions,i had to ring up and answers one questions, like how important is it to me to lose weight? am i willing to go to every session and stay the whole hour? and do i think this will help me? after answering these i was told that i qualify and they would send out the relevant information and i can start going.

Day 24 -something you have learned

I have learned a few things in the past few weeks that i don't know where to start, i will put a few things into bullet points for you.

• I have learned that some Muslims believe that when they die they turn into trees. I thought this was amazing i had never heard this before.
• I have learned the difference between procreate and procrastinate.
• I have learned that since finding out that its not just female factor infertility that is effecting us but also male factor too it has bought it closer than ever.

Day 23 - your favourite vacation

This one is easy our trip to Orlando Florida 2008. Me and dave decided we were gonna go and visit all the parks and it would be awesome, one problem i had never been on a plane and the flight was 8 hours from UK to USA would this really be a good idea???? Well it would have to be so we booked well in advance as it was so much money but it was totally worth it. Apart from losing around $500 (dont ask) and getting so burnt we had to sleep in separate beds lol. The Thomas Cook rep said the heat and sun was different out there and i wouldnt need my factor 50 suncream, she suggested this natural factor 25, i got some and popped it on and away we went, 3 days in we decided to go to the aquatica waterpark, which as the time was awesome, apart from the money situation and when we were getting ready to go and realised the suncream hadnt worked even though it was waterproof and reapplied. Other than that everything else was amazing.

This was from the balcony early in the morning, amazing weather.

This was the day before said aquatica trip with just a little reddening of the sholders. mmmmm turkey leg, lol.

I cant believe how big i was back then i am disgusted with myself.

I loved the dolphins, when we go again i am gonna swim with them.

Almost the same as the Paris one just bigger i think.

Again great weather but you can see the burn around my sholders.

And where my swimsuit came to.

This was a week and half after the burning and a few days before we came home and you can still see the burn, it was so painful it was turning purple and yellow, eeeewwwww.

An appointment

So, i rang my GP today to see if they had gotten the letter from the specialist yet, they had, then i had to work out who was available to see and soon, so she went to speak to a Dr who was free and he said that i could see a registrar that was there they will do the same job so we have an appointment for 9 am on Wednesday, i am kinda happy about this but i am not sure if this is the point if i am over BMI of 30 that i will be sent away, this is slightly worrying as i am borderline 30, some days i am over some days i am under, it is any ones guess what i am going to be when the time comes, this is why i am hoping that it is not the day for the weight to be taken in to consideration other wise we will be sent away.

Day 22 - favourite city.

Day 22 -favourite city.

This one was hard to choose as i have a few to pick from but its going to have to be...........

Paris!

We went to France 3 years ago and had the day in Paris and it was awesome. We went to the Louvre and saw all the bits from the Da'Vinci Code.

 

Then we went to Disneyland on another day it was so much fun.

 

I want to go back again maybe for a hen weekend with my mom and maids if they can afford it and i want to go to the Moulin Rouge.

Day 21-a photo of you

Well today we went on a walk with the dog to Clent, at the top of the hill from some of the views it looked like we were really high because of the mist but its not really that high. Here is the picture of me, i decided i will use a photo i took Friday after i had been shopping and got me a new babyliss curling wand, and my hair stayed curly for the rest of the day, it never does that so here it is.

Here are the pictures that i took today, if you look at the view sometimes it looks like the sea is close but really it is just the fields and mist.

Here is Mimi enjoying her walk.

Me and Dave with Mimi as she wouldn't cooperate with the camera so i had to hold her.

My mom and dad with Mimi

See it looks like the sea.

Me and my mom.

And me and Dave with me showing how breezy it was up there.

Day 20-nicknames

I don't really have any nicknames apart from aim but that's about it, when i was in school there was a guy who thought he was funny and i got called chocolate cherry head all because i had dyed my hair and they over heard me tell my friend what the colour was so that stuck until i started being called kitkat chunky because i would have one a week at school, i never ate one since.

Few days of roughness

The past few days i have been hiding just how rough i have been feeling, it really hit home just over a week ago when my friend Ruth from America e-mailed me saying she had miscarried a baby at 7 weeks, she has been having trouble getting pregnant too, she is like my cosmic twin in so many ways, being the 4th of 5 children, both with a partner called David, well she had tried a few cycles of clomid but while changing jobs she went on a break, she never went back on it but it turns out she managed to get pregnant naturally but she didn't even find out before she lost it, she really didn't deserve that, she said she was trying to see the positive in it that at least now she knows she is able to do it naturally. Since then i have felt just that little bit worse, i don't know if i am making myself worse but i am always reading in magazines and on the net about people having trouble and alot of people are not successful, i mean i am grateful that we get one funded IVF but when a lot of people have 2,3 and 4 failed treatments, i even looked up the price of private treatment and the average was around £4000, that is a lot of money to gamble with, the only other thing was egg share which came out at around £1000 but the thought of someone having a baby using my eggs bothers me, not the fact that the baby would be biologically mine but the fact that they could have something that i couldn't even get using something of mine. I just really don't know who to talk to, i think i need to talk to another person in real life who knows what i am going through, i know my fiance is there for me but i need a lady, one that will not tell me to relax one that wont say i know what you are going through if they haven't been through it, but i don't know any people like that, i have even been trying to get in touch with my maid of honour the past few weeks but i haven't been able to, she started uni in September and so i know she may be busy but i just need someone. I know i don't want to announce everything to everyone but i think i just need to let it out, i need to scream and cry and yell, i don't think this is a bad thing, its not that i am not ready for any treatment its just its like every week someone i know is either announcing their pregnancy or are having their baby and since most of the people i went to school have had their babies they don't seem to want to know me anymore, its like they are better than me because they could just go out and get pregnant and i can say most of them were not babies that were born into loving relationships, most of them were planned just to get benefits or not planned at all, and i cant even get one when i plan and plot and graph and test and i just don't know how to deal with it anymore. It got to the point where i was keeping track of feelings in my stomach, how many days past heaven knows when and when we BD'ed in my phone if someone had seen it they would have thought i was a crazy woman.

Day 19- something you miss

I know this is going to sound a little bit cliche but i miss being younger, when you have the freedom to feel like an adult but with out the resposibilities. I miss being that teenager that always dreamed of having a big family with lots of kids in which i would be able to conceive more or less when i wanted to, to be like other people that only seem to think about being pregnant and it happens. I miss the time when i was naive and thought that if i forgot to put my patch on at the right time i would be one of those girls people expected me to turn out as. But most of all i miss the time that i was part of a couple who didn't know we had fertility problems and just thought it wasn't our time for a baby, the time when all i needed to worry about is what colour my bridesmaids are going to wear and and what my hair will look like and what i want my flowers to be like, not like now when i feel like i have to deal with work, and planning a wedding and trying to lose weight and work out when we will get our turn, its like living in limbo, not knowing when anything is going to start to happen if at all.

Day 17-something you're looking forward to and Day 18-something you regret

Day 17-something you're looking forward to, i am so looking forward to getting this ivf journey on the road, i am trying my best to stay positive and most of the time i succeed, i am also looking forward to harry potter next week, lol i know i know but i am an undercover nerd and i love all the movies, i was just a little bit disappointed with the 6th movie as there was supposed to be a big battle when dumbledore dies but there wasn't so i am hoping the last 2 are epic, i cant believe i just said epic on my blog, i am such a nerd lol.

Day 18-something you regret, i don't really regret a lot in my life as it has gotten me to where i am now but there is one thing that i do regret and that is wasting my time on people that have no respect for anybody other than themselves.

Day 16-your dream home

I have posted about this in a previous post, here, this has always been my dream home since i saw it on an american show when i was younger, it always had a happly little family with a dog or 2 in the yard.

Day 13-Goals, Day 14-A picture you love, Day 15-Bible verse

Day 13-goals, i do have many goals but i will just put my main goals on here, my first would be to get my BMI down to around 27 before our IVF appointment which i still don't know when it will be. Then to make sure i do all i can to make sure our first and only funded attempt is given the best chance including acupuncture and relaxation. Then to get on with some wedding planning, as at the moment i don't really have much done, but then again i do have a while so i am ok for now. These are my top goals at the moment.




Day 14-a picture you love,

I love this picture, i have posted about this before but i cant help it, it looks like we had been to the far east but really we were in animal kingdom, florida, i lived it there even though when this was taken we were in a queue for a river rapids ride for 80 minutes!!!! i know that is so long but what else did we have to do and there was so much to take pictures of it went really fast.



Day 15-a bible verse, There are a few verses that i like from Matthew the first is Matthew 6:19-21 the second is Matthew 6:26



“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."



"For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?"



Both of these verses are so strong to me as someone said to me, " i have a car, a house, a wife and kids and what do you have nothing." Fast forward less than a year and this same person has to sell their car, they are separated from their wife and their kids were actually their wives kids so they have lost them too and they have to move out as the house was also their wives. While i have the love of my god, my partner, my parents, the respect of these and my self worth, this is how i knew i was more wealthy than this person as i may not have a car or a house or kids but when i leave this life i will know that i have given all i can in love, respect and time.

A little bit of news.

Well i had an appointment the other day about a couple of moles i have that i wanted removing, when i had finished i asked her how the IVF process works as all we were told is that we would be referred and were gives some conditions that we had to comply with to be accepted but not when or how it would happen, so the doctor looked at my notes and said there was no review of the last appointment yet which was 14th of October so it should be in any day, then we have to make an appointment and we both have to go in and fill in some forms and answer some questions for the funding, that's when the ball gets rolling so i think i have plenty of time to get my BMI down. Well that's a little more information than i have had from any other doctor so far. 

Day 11-Favorite tv shows and Day 12-what you believe

Day 11-favourite tv show.

At the moment i would say my favourite tv shows at the moment are:

18/19 kids and counting, i love this show so much i was a little impatient with waiting for us to get the up to date episodes over here so i watched them on the internet, i love just how together this family is and their beliefs are so strong. I love them.

Hannah montana forever, I am a big kid at heart and i love this show, there are not many episodes left but it could watch them over and over.

Wizards of waverly place, as above i love disney show.

Day 12-what you believe.

I am not sure which way to go for this one but i do believe in self control, I believe it is up to you to decided if you are a believer in religion. I myself am a born again christian, i was baptised in march 2009, i had spent a while looking in to what i believe and was never pushed into it by my family, i was always told it is my decision what i chose and nothing would change whatever i chose. My MR was christened as a baby and so he is a christian but he says he is a non believer, this doesn't change my feelings for him. I also believe that you chose what to do, it bothers me when someone has killed someone because they were drunk or on drugs and they say they didn't know what they were doing, well you decided to take the drink and/or the drugs knowing that they would become so out of it that they do not know what they are doing therefor not knowing if they have done wrong, they chose to do it so they should be punished like they would if they killed without being under the influence of narcotics. One of the big things i believe in is something that i got a controversial talking to before i left my church, at my church they are ok with divorce and drinking alcohol and having treatment for things like cancer but when they heard that i was being tested for my infertility it was like i was going against gods will, that they don't believe in sex before marriage and then a child should be a gift from god and not from a doctor, but i believe that god has a plan for everyone, that includes gods plan for a doctor to become a fertility specialist and to be able to create a life, and it was my plan to have infertility to learn lessons and to go to these specialists for treatment. I believe if the people from my church don't believe in having the treatment as it would be god saying i am not supposed to have kids then it should be that it was gods will for someone to have cancer and they shouldn't have treatment, if they die then that was gods will.

Day 10- something you are afraid of

Well if i am talking about phobias my biggest one is spiders, i don't remember if i liked them as a young kid but i remember when i got terrified of them, i was in primary school and i had put my tights on and gone down stairs then i found there was a huge spider in the leg of them, you know when you don't want to rip tights that's the easiest thing to do but do you think i could rip those tights off......erm no. That was one of the scariest times of my life, there have been so many times since then when my phobia has gotten the better of me. In secondary school we had an animal man come in with some different creatures, he had his blood hound which was so cute, a tiny little honey bear, and eagle and a falcon and then he bought out a bog with a tarantula inside, my tutor knew i didn't like them so asked if he could hold back while i left but he didn't he said it would be good for me to face it, i couldn't move, i was stuck on the chair with about 100 other kids laughing at me while i almost had a heart attack, my tutor was yelling for him to back off which he finally did but i broke down in the middle of the hall with everyone staring at me. Almost everyday at school after that people would try to scare me with spiders, until one art class where we had to draw preserved insects, i thought OK insects are still bad but i can do this, until there was a preserved tarantula, i had to sit in another class to draw my butterfly. that was so embarrassing.
There are a few other things that i am afraid of which are no where near as bad as spiders. One weird one is i cant stand cooked mushrooms, we had a curry a while ago and i normally pick out the mushrooms but this time i poked my fork in and it made a weird squeaking noise, it freaked me out so much i have never touched a mushroom since.
I used to think i was scared of flying because i have so little control up there but that was before i had been on a plane but my first flight was an 8 hour flight to Florida in 2008 and i loved it, it was so much fun we were low enough sometimes to see over new york, and when we were above the clouds it was breath taking.

Day 9- a picture of your friends.

I will be the first to admit that i do not have many friends, yes i do have alot of 'friends' on facebook but the ones who are really there when i need them there are only a few.

First off we have my mom. We do almost everything together, like on Friday we are going to a craft show which should be so much fun.
This picture was taken when we went to the angel of the north last year.

Next we have Amy we met in college and since then i have asked her to be my maid of honour, we don't see enough of each other as she is working and just started uni but whenever we need to we meet up for a drink and a catch up.



When we were in college we were in a tiny group where for most of the 2nd year there was just 6 of us so we were all quite close, here are the rest including our tutor Sally Cowell.

On the back row (l to r) Jess, Sally, Renee, Kayleigh. then front row (l to r) Me, Amy and Hayley. The picture is not great quality but i love it, we had so much fun.


I thought i would put in a picture of some of my friends from school, alot of whom i am 'friends' with on facebook but don't really get to see them.

Here we have the last day of high school, from left to right we have, Daniel, Scott, Daniel, Me and Arron. These were some of my maths friends, we used to all sit in the one corner, i suppose you could call it geek corner lol.

Next we have Me and vicky with fran in the back, we used to go out together at the weekend and it was so much fun they crack me up they really do.

This one has got to have been from when we were about 14, this is Me, Lisa and Mel behind in our form room with my winnie the pooh back pack, lol. i did say i was a geek lol.


This has got me in the mood to upload a whole lot of old pictures so one day when i have the time i am gonna do it.