Your email

Someone who may be reading this right now (i don't care if you are i am still going to tell this story and if you don't like it then don't email me and think i will not put it on my private blog) sent me an email yesterday, it wasn't the most pleasant of emails but i read it all a few times and i couldn't believe what she was writing, but i will give you the gist of it all.

First off this person couldn't believe i was deciding to have a baby when i am not married, yea yea i have heard this for the past like 3 years and it has been a decision i have not taken easily. I should be ashamed of myself for having sex before i was married and i must be bringing shame upon my family, if this is the case my situation cannot shame my family more than my my siblings have already done in your eyes with babies out of wedlock and same sex relationships so i doubt that my little sin is going to shame my family that much if everyone Else's hasn't. I also need to stop moaning about my infertility as there are people who are going through so much more, before reading anymore i thought she was going to say people fighting for their countries and people with cancer but no, she was meaning that she was in a worse position than us infertiles because she has lost her job and has to live of her husbands wage, oh deary deary me how ever are you going to cope with not having a job, stop all cancer treatment and turn off all life support as this woman has no job!!!! Yes it is so much more important than a medical condition. You, my dear, should be grateful you have a husband if you speak to him like you spoke to me i would have kicked you to the kerb long ago. Then we have that they hope i never have babies and spend thousands of pounds on treatment as this may teach me a lesson not to be a tramp.....erm excuse me, i have a job unlike you, i am in a committed relationship, we are planning our wedding and i have done all the research i can about any treatment i may need, you keep talking about this plan that is supposed to be lay ed out for me but there is a plan and that plan was for someone to train as a fertility specialist and to give us unwed folk the treatment to have a bastard child. I must add this person also ended with they chose not to have children as we are clogging up the planet with spoiled, dirty, ungrateful, violent criminals and the quicker the human race gets rid of these people the quicker, i am presuming she is talking about me being one that should be wiped out, maybe this woman hasn't had children because her husband cant stand to be in the same room let alone bed as her as everything that comes out of her wide open trap is horse poop. At the end she put she doesn't want my moaning to be blocking up her google reader.....HELLO!!!!! if you don't want it clogging then why are you reading and reading anonymously as you are not letting on who you are. I don't now about other people but my blog is my place to write what i want about what i want and to rant as much as i want,

Bottom line go on keep emailing if you think it is going to make you feel any better because i will just keep slagging you off on my blog blocking up your reader OK.

Rant over.

I found something out....

Well i was reading something the other day (don't ask as i really cannot remember what i was reading otherwise i would tell you) that due to the hormone balance with PCOS ovulation sticks may always read positive....are you kidding me!!!!! so for those months that i thought i was just that little bit normal that i may have been lucky enough to get some of the hormones there for ovulation that even if i peed on the stick while AF was here i would still get a positive. So as usual i am back to knowing that i am 100% abnormal. Just as i thought i was.

I did good

After last week and being told we had been declined funding for IVF i was so upset, i didn't know how to take it. In the end i couldn't get mad at anyone but myself, it was only my weight that was the problem so i decided i was going to knuckle down and do my weight watcher properly.

Well......

That went fine Friday and Saturday till about 4pm when i got really upset watching a movie and so i reached for the ice cream, i ended up eating a whole tub which worked out to be around 12 points worth of ice cream (i only have 33 a day). Then i was back on track on Sunday till about the same time when I'm sure they were putting movies on TV that was going to make me sad so i ate another tub of ice cream. so in 2 days i had eaten 24 points just in ice cream, i felt sick, not from eating the ice cream but from the fact i had to be weighed on the Monday and i would have no other excuse as to why i was putting on weight other than i have like, zero will power. but i went Monday morning and helped set up and was showed what i have to do (i am helping out now as there are quite a few people in the group so i watched what they were doing then went to be weighed, and i will say this now i was waiting for it to say i had put on at least 2 lbs, but i didn't, i had lost....yes that's right i lost 3.5lbs!!!!!!! I was in shock. That makes me 13st 13.5lbs which means i now need to lose just over 7 lbs to be back under 30 BMI and can send off the forms again.

I'm hoping this week will be another good week.

After i shared a big ice cream sundae with my mom today SSSSHHHHH!!!!!!!!

DECLINED!!!!!!!

Yes that's what they said, we were declined because of my weight. My GP rang and sad they had a letter back from the PCT and they are not funding at this time because i am over the criteria. Meaning i still need to lost that 7 lbs or more to make sure i am under 30 bmi. I told my doctor that i would spend a few more weeks with weight watchers and trying extra hard then go back and be weighed on real scales where they slide the weight across as i currently have been weighed on 3 different electronic scales and they all say different. Then we will go back and fill in the forms again. The least they could have done is asked the doctor to bring me in and weigh me then ring them back as on the forms the first time she put my weight but also that i was going to weight watchers so i may have lost all the weight, i don't think i have but they don't know that.

Zita West

Almost as soon as i had processed that we were going to need IVF i went on the search for a book, i wanted to know as much as i could. I was looking for one in particular but waterstones didn't have it but the recommended a book by Zita West, i think most people in the UK who need IVF would have heard of her, she owns and works at her own clinic and in this book she writes about all the aspects she goes through there, including counselling, diet, options and alternative therapies. So i get this book thinking i will have read it in a day or 2, well that was like back when i was told we were in need of IVF which has been months and i am barely half way through. I am trying to give it a go but all the case studies are of ladies in their 30 and above, and there is always little bits that she writes about how older ladies this and older ladies that and at one point, to me, it sounded like she was saying that older people should be given more chance than younger ones, i feel this by a lot of the things that are written like, if a couple are young they may do all the necessary checks then ask them to keep trying a little longer but they would like to advise older ladies to go through the options as they have less time. This really bothered me, i thought this book was going to be an overall and a for instance book not a we don't care about younger ladies until you have waited long enough for you to be a year or 2 from the ages limit. I wanted to read a book about the process and case studies but i don't understand why it is aimed at older ladies and not just to everyone......In the beginning i was looking into her clinic on the Internet if our 1 free try doesn't work or if we want treatment in the future but the further into this book the further away from her i would like to be. I will be finishing the book as it was quite expensive but i am going to see about the book i was originally going to get and check to see if that one is ageist before i buy it. If other people haven't had this problem with her book then good for you but i just found it too patronising to give it a good review.

A sign?????

While at work today i read my horoscope which i don't normally take any notice of but today i think i got a sign, you know when you have one thing on your mind for so long you start to imagine things are there when really they are not, so i just had to take a picture of this one. You know when someone says something is there in black and white but really it could be read in numerous ways, well when you see this there is no reading it a different way.

How much more black and white could you get. Now i have to say before you think this was in some sort of parenting or pregnancy magazine it wasn't just a usual weekly gossip and TV mag. Could it be a sign??????

I am here

I am here.... It feels like forever and a day since i last posted even though it probably wasn't that many days ago, but as i have no 30 day challenge on the go at the moment i am a bit lost as to what to write. We are still waiting on the answer from the PCT about finding so we are still in limbo really. So i have turned my attention to our wedding plans. Last year when people asked when i was getting married they looked at me weird when i said i was getting married in 2012 like it was a million years away, but it doesn't sound so bad now as i can say i get married next year..........it sounds so close.....pop on over to http://mybigdayinprep.blogspot.com/ to check out my new finds.