Mental health sucks

So its obvious by now that i suffer with my mental health. This last week i have gone from being so high to being so low and it gets exhausting.
I went for the work trial that went really well but then i found out the hours and there is just no way i could commit to it. Some shifts were 16 hours!!! Now if it was a few that were that long because i had decided to do overtime or someone was late for a shift then i woukd consider it but not where it woyld be to the point where i would be neglecting my own child and relying on so many people to look after her its wouldnt be fair. So when i received the email offering me the job i turned it down. I had gotten so low in the days after the trial that i questioned everything i was doing. The fact that i was willing to take a job that i wasnt 100% happy with was confusing me. I want to be a nurse and it keeps coming back to me that i work so hard and am consistent with my work and my attendance is near perfect but i am still leaving with no uni placement. I had to have a talk with my tutor on monday as it was really getting to me. I have decided that i will see if there is any placements in clearing for childrens nursing which is doubtful but you never know. Then i will be working with my tutor on making my personal statement the best i can so that as soon as applications open after i get my grades i can reapply and hope for the best. I am going to try and see if i can get some voluntary work at the childrens centre just so i have something on my statement relating to children and not just raising one.

As i am on the subject of raising a child i have had to make a decision that i didnt really want to do. Charlotte has been asking to go to school so i had a think about it and decided to sign the applicatuon form for nursery. I wanted her to be homes schooled as i feel school will not allow her to move forward and advance the way she is at home and i think her development will slow down. She is advanced for her age but i feel she will be held back but if thats what she wants then i have to let her try it.