First post.

Well for my first post i should write about me and my journey so far.

I would like to put a warning on now as there may be some information on here that may offend some people, it is quite obvious that during my journey i will be talking about natural bodily functions and i am not one for holding back on the details, (to a degree that it).

I am AJ and me and my fiancee have been trying for a baby for the last 3 and a half years. My problems started way back when i was about 14 and i was put on the contraceptive pill as i had bad cycles, but i couldn't take them so i decided not to bother and to hope they settled down, but they didn't so when i was 16 i asked to try the contraceptive injection as i had heard of a few people who had had this with no problems and had no periods, so i had the first one and was told that some people will take time to get used to it so i thought it was normal that i bled for the whole 3 months, then when i went back i was seen by a different nurse who said it was OK that i was getting used to it so she gave me another one, and yes you guessed it that made 6 months bleeding, so when i went back i said that this doesn't seem normal to me but being a professional i took her word when she said it was very normal as i was so irregular in the beginning, silly girl, so there was 9 months of constant bleeding, and i had started to have enough and had gotten the courage to tell the nurse the next time i went that i didn't want it any more, so when i went i was pleased that i was seeing the original nurse and explained everything to her and she said she would never have given me the second one let alone the third!!!!! I couldn't believe that the other nurse had given me an extra 6 months of suffering. So we had a conversation about what would be good for me the pill was a no-no and the injection, they didn't really want me to have a coil as i hadn't already had kids and the thought of the implant freaked me out so there wasn't much else i could choose from, until she mentioned they had been told about this new contraceptive patch but the thing is they had never prescribed it to anyone, only read about it from the US so i was going to be checked and would have to let them know what it was like so i thought well i don't have to swallow it, and if i don't like it i don't have to put up with it for 3 months at a time so i went for it. The patch was a skin coloured patch a bit like a nicotine patch that sent hormones through my skin to the bloodstream so if i was sick it didn't effect it, so i had to put on one of those on to the top of my bottom on one side and just leave it there for 7 days, then take it off and put another one on the other side, (i had to do this as i can get sensitive to the sticky on them like plasters) i had these on for 3 weeks then took the last one off for 7 days a bit like the pill and that is when i would have a 'period'. i thought this was great i didn't have side effects apart from the sensitivity but as long as i placed it on the opposite side each time i was OK, so i stayed on those for a few years when i started to get headaches and the only time they stopped was when i was on my 'off' week so i went to the nurse and said i was coming off them, by this time i had been with my fiancee for a year and half and had already had the talk about me coming off the patch and if we had a baby then that was great as we both had jobs and were going to get married so i came off them. i thought i would have a pretty normal cycle after that as i they are supposed to settle down after like a year after they start and at this point it had been 9 years since i started so it should be settled. i had the withdrawal bleed after taking the last one off but i didn't get another one, after 3 months i took a pregnancy test but it was negative, so i took a few more just in case but they were all negative. I kept it to myself for a while but when i hit 6 months i knew i had to see the doctor, they asked me loads of questions like do i have excessive amounts of hair, spotty skin (more than just teenage spots) and they knew i didn't have periods and they had tracked that i had put on a lot of weight (i put this down to the contraceptives as everyone says they make you put on weight), so i was sent for some blood tests and a scan of my ovaries to see if i had poly cystic ovarian syndrome, which i knew a little bit about as i had learnt about it in college. When i went back the tests said i did have it. That's where it all started.

They gave me a few printed out notes from the Internet and said they would send me to the gynecologist and they would try to sort it out, i could have done more research than that, so i did, they did say that it would be harder to become pregnant naturally but they never mentioned that you may never become pregnant naturally, so now i knew just how serious this was, the doctors seem to right it off as a nothing but i don't think they realise just how it feels to find this out, i was 19 when i found out, my dream was to have a big family of my own and to feel the baby inside to feel what all those other women feel when they hold their babies in their arms for the first time, and to know that that child will be your very own miracle. I thought this would never happen to me now, so i went to the gyne and wondered what they were going to suggest and the first thing was weight management, this would mean me going to see a nutritionist once every 2 months to be weighed and to check my progress and i would have to keep going till i had lost around 10% of my body weight. the first time i went i was 94kg which was 14st 13lbs or 209lbs and so 10% was 9.4kgs or 21lbs i had a waste measurement or 101cm which is 40" i had to get this down or there would be no other treatment for me so i did it, with their advice i was eating one balanced meal a day and 2 snacks, it was so hard to do so i had to fill up on diet fizzy drinks, (i know these were no good but i needed to do this so that the hunger went away) over then next 18 months i kept going and being weighed and at the end i was down to 12st 12lbs or 180lbs or just under 82kgs so i had lost around 12%of my body weight and i did feel good i was going to the gym with my mom and she had lost a lot of weight too, my waist had gotten down to 84cm or 33" that was a loss of 7" just from my waist. the only thing that still bothered me was during this time i was sent for regular blood tests to see if losing the weight was making me ovulate (as now i was having a pretty regular cycle between 26 and 33 days which is very regular for me) but every test came back as negative, so when i was referred back to the gyne i had to ask what was next so i did my research before i went and looked at what other people were doing and the next thing was taking a pill called metformin so when i went i mentioned this to see what they said and he said sure i could try it i had to take one once a day for a week then the next week take 2 a day for a week then 3 a day after that which i did but after a month i had put on 7lbs and having PCOS it is hard enough to lose weight but when these pills which are supposed to be lowering insulin levels and helping to lose a bit more weight i decided i couldn't take them no more, it was a push to take them at all as i have problems swallowing them so i had to cut them into 4 and i still managed to choke on them so i wasn't going through that for them to say i had put on weight so they would stop treatment so when my next appointment came around (where my partner had to come to as the last time they had tested his little men) i was armed with more research and told them that the metformin wasn't for me and i would like to try clomid, he was very adamant that i shouldn't have this at this point as this had the statistics of 40% will ovulate in the first 3 months and 90% in 6 months then out of those 40% will conceive in the first 3 months and 80% in the 6 months and of these people 30% of pregnancies will result in a multiple pregnancy, so he went to speak to the senior doctor who said they would try me for a trial month and in this time they will do blood tests at day 3 of my cycle and day 21 this should see if the pills are working before deciding if they are going to give it to me longer, so when day one of my period came around i was ready and waiting, on day 2 i had to start taking the pills once a day for 5 days, then day 3 i went for the first blood test, i counted to when i should ovulate if it worked and decided i would try these ovulation sticks to see if they work so i tried them and when i got a positive (i think it was a positive) i made sure we 'tried' a little harder, then day 21 came and i had the second test, from around 4 days after taking the clomid my boobs hurt so bad i could barely move because my clothes would rub them and it was so sensitive and this carried on till day 29 and then it died down and on day 28 and 29 (i normally have a 26 to 33 day cycle) i decided to take a pregnancy test just in case but it was negative then on day 30 i had the first show of my period and i was a little bit disappointed. I had my date for my follow up appointment with the gyne come through and i counted that if the cycle dates are the same i may miss the next round if they decide to give me more clomid so i may have 2 periods (the one i have just finished) and the one when my appointment is with no pills so its highly unlikely that i will get pregnant in the next month.

I have met a really nice girl over in the US who i have been e-mailing and she is at the same stage as me, she just is due to take her pregnancy test today and in most ways i really do hope she gets her positive because she really does deserve it, she is a bit younger than me and she has been married for a few years now so it would be so nice for her to get this but i would be lying if i didn't say i would be a little bit upset if she is, she knows that i get upset when my friends become pregnant and either leave me out or all they can talk about it their baby this and their kids that it drives me crazy because they all know i don't have any, but my best friend had a baby last year and she hasn't spoken to me since, she is always talking to the other single mothers we were in school with and sharing their tales of no sleep (because they all live in free houses from the council and have no fathers around) and my so called best friend is always moaning on face book that she is alone and nobody will go round her place and keep her company but while she was pregnant i asked if she wanted to go for coffee but she made some lame excuse there was no where open, i was like hello merry hill is not that far away and that is open like 363 days in the year so that's when i knew i had been dropped as a friend but the worse part is when we were younger she was told by doctors that she could get pregnant because of her problems and she cried to me and i was there for her, and i even said if it got to the time when she was married and was desperate for one i would carry one for her but now, it is me in that situation and she doesn't even know that i cant as she doesn't want to see me no more, that's what hurts the most.


This is my story so far, i am currently on day 7 of a non-clomid cycle.